once upon a summer...

Chapter Five

We arrived back at their house later, with a car full of an arguing James family.
I stayed out of it, even when they asked for my input. I had learned that when this family fights, you don't get involved if you want to leave with both eyebrows.    
   Everybody filed out of my Jeep and grabbed the luggage from the back. I was waiting until everybody got out to lock the car but Wyland wouldn't get out.
"Go get your stuff."
"Okay but were gonna finish that conversation, promise?"
"I'm here till tomorrow night. We'll find a chance to talk." He locked the doors as he saw Ander walk towards the car.
"Alone."
"Ander has to tutor a kid tonight. We can talk then."
"How long do her tutoring sessions usually last?"
"Two hours? Maybe less, maybe more. Its the tail of the semester so at most three hours."
"Yeah. Three hours sounds like it might be enough time."
"Just to talk? That's plenty of time."
"We've got a lot to talk about, Dev."
And that, we did. I unlocked the car, now understanding why we locked them, as Ander started to pound on my window.
He climbed out of the car and told her to shut up. I got out of the car and locked it. I walked inside with Ander.
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey who are you tutoring tonight?" I asked Ander, she was about to go shower and was picking out what to wear.
"The freshman girl. What's her face. Aly. Yeah, that's her name."
"How long will you be gone?"
"You planning a party without me? Gonna sex up my brother?"
I laughed. "Those were two different things, Ander. And no to both of them. I was just wondering. Wyland wants to talk to me about something." I whispered the last part to myself so technically it wasn't lying.
"Probably about two hours. Oh! Do you want to meet me at dinner with Blaine? If so, then two. If not, then like four."
"I don't know. Text me when you're done and where to meet you at."
"It's at Blaine's house. Luca has practice in the next town. So he's gone tonight."
"I think I'd go insane tonight without him to keep Blaine from killing everybody. I'll pass."
"Alright. Then four hours. Don't do anything crazy, I love you. Oh shit. I'm running late, shower time."
"I'm gonna go to the other bathroom then. I need to pee." I said.
"The other bathroom?"
"Yeah?"
"Which one?"
"Honestly, Ander. Just. I'm not gonna go get probed by your brother. Just let me go pee."
"Probed." She said and had to sit down in a laughing fit, "Alright I'm done sorry. I believe you now."
"Well you shouldn't." I said jokingly. And I ran. All the way into Wyland's room.
"DEVIN!" She said, and pounded on his door as I locked it.
"What the fuck just happened?" He asked.
I shrugged and went into his bathroom.
"Do me a favor. We're gonna mess with her." I said.
"Okay obviously I'm down. Let's do it." He agreed.
"Take your shirt off." I said.
"Woah woah, slow down, don't you think we should talk first." He joked with me. I laughed at him.
I pushed him, "just do it.Then go unlock the door and only crack it. Stick your upper body out and tell her to go shower."
"Alright." He started to the door.
"Wait." I said, and went and messed his hair up. It was soft, I don't know why that surprised me. It's not like he went to a boot camp without showers.
"You're good now," I said, "and I, really have to pee. So hurry."
I sat on his bed and watched him do what I told him too.
He opened the door and peered into the hallway, "Go shower Ander. Nothing's happening."
"Like hell it isn't." She said, trying to force her way in.
"Ander come on. Don't you trust me? Don't you think I'll be good to her?" He asked.
"No I don't trust you and I'd rather not think about you guys dating."
"Why? If we get married, you guys can be sisters." He kept going, but it was too much now. Too heavy for me.
"I really do have to pee now. You can let her in if you want to get punched." I said, he laughed, Ander yelled.
I went into the bathroom and peed. When I came out, Wyland was sitting on top of Ander on the floor.
"Get off of me." She screamed.
"No, you thought I was messing around with your best friend so clearly you don't trust me. So we're doing trust exercises."
"How is this a trust exercise? Dev, Devin help me please?"
"No I'm with Wy. Do you really think we'd do that to you? I really just needed to pee. And you're just really easy to make mad."
"Guys I have to go tutor someone! And I still need to shower! Get off me, pleassse. Wyland, get off me!"
"Okay fine, but admit that you're being insane." He said.
"Maybe I'm being a little crazy. But I have a reason to be. Next time it won't be a prank and I'm gonna walk in and you guys are gonna be .. nope nope . Not thinking of that."
Wyland laughed and had to get off of her before he crushed her.
"We aren't dating, Ander. And we aren't gonna be." I said, pointedly looking at him. He shook his head.
"We'll see about that." He said.
"Honestly, just date or kill me. I can't stand watching you flirt. But when you guys start dating, please don't tell me about it, Dev. Normally I would force you too, but I think I'd rather walk in on you.. still not thinking of that! I'm such an idiot, I need to stop putting that disgusting picture in my head."
"I might actually vomit." She said.
She got in his face, "but if you break her heart, I will eat you."
"Thanks for the help Ander, but I stand by what I said." I stated.
"Don't hurt me yet, Dev." Said Wyland.
"Ander  you need to leave, you're going to be very late and we're gonna be alone even longer. Because if I remember correctly, you get payed by full hours." I said.
"Okay. I'm going to shower." She left the room and I started to follow her out.
Wy grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
"Do you mean that?" He asked.
"I guess you'll find out after she leaves."
"She already knows we're gonna be together when she leaves, just come in now."
"Okay." I said, and shut the door.
                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Did you mean it?" He asked again.
"I don't know."
"Okay see, I'm going to ban those words in that order. You say that a lot and this time, we're giving and getting real answers. Deal?"
"That doesn't help me. You'll tell me anything if I ask you too. And 'I don't know' is just an easy answer when you don't want to go into too much detail."
"Well tonight, we're going into explicit detail. I'm making the deal now. Deal, Wyland? Yes it's a deal. There."
I rolled my eyes.
"Also I won't answer any question."
"Do you want to kiss me?"
"Maybe, what does that have to do with it. Oh. I answered that. Maybe you're right."
Maybe? Maybe he wanted to kiss me? Maybe I wanted to puke right now. I'm not good at confrontational things, and this was getting to be too much.
"Wy. I can't do this. I can't talk about this stuff. It's too heavy."
"And you've never dealt with heavy? That's the most hurtful thing you've said so far, because I know you've managed conversations a lot harder than this one."
  "And those weren't easy. So think about how hard this is hitting me. You know more about me than anybody else." I could feel my voice raise a little, "It hurt when you left. Like a bitch. It hurt so much Wy. So maybe I've had conversations harder than this one and it hurt when my dad left, it hurt when he said he didn't want me. But it devastated me when you left. The first person I trusted with anything and you left me." I don't think I had admitted these things to myself yet, and here I was, breaking my own heart, telling him.
"I didn't have a choice, Dev. I didn't want to leave you." His voice was quiet. I ignored him. I didn't want to believe him.
"Ander doesn't even know about my dad. She doesn't know about Maine. She doesn't know how much I loved you before you left. Nobody did. Because I didn't know. I didn't know how much I needed you until you weren't there for me. I don't think I can let you hurt me again like that Wyland. I can't go off to college while knowing that we still had something. It has to stop or you have to promise not to do anything stupid again. You have to promise not to leave me again." I hadn't realized when I started crying, but now my cheeks were covered in tears.
"You loved me?" He asked.
I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't have this conversation. I couldn't sit there while I knew he would hurt me again. I loved him. Hell, I still love him. And knew that he was somebody who couldn't help but find trouble.
I was overwhelmed by panic rushing through me. I stood up and paced for a minute before I opened his closet and sat down inside it. Of course, I knew this was weird but at the moment, I wasn't really in the smartest mind set.
My emotions were controlling me rather than my brain. Wyland's were too. This was a dangerous combination.
He came and sat by me.
"I'm not gonna leave you again. I can promise that."
"No you can't."
"Isn't that what you want me to do?"
"Yes, but I know you can't. You're the kind of person who leaves Wy. You need to leave to stay sane. I can't hold you back. I can't-"
"You could never hold me back."
"But-"
"Never. Let's give us both some time to cool off and get used to each other again. But we're gonna be together by graduation. And we're going to get tattoos together on your birthday. And we're gonna keep messing with Ander. And you're going to tell me stuff instead of letting it bottle up for a year and a half."
"My diary left me."
"I'm your diary? Better than being your best friends older brother I guess."
"Can we talk about something else?"
"Yeah. We can."
"How do you feel about returning to our school?"
"The fact that it's our school again makes it pretty good."
"Yeah but are you nervous to be with all your old friends again? Go back to your old teachers?"
"I'm a little excited actually. That sounds crazy, especially coming from Wyland Aston James. Yeah, I'm excited to be back. The boarding school had such a weird dynamic. There were two groups, the trouble-makers whose parents forced them there, and the rich kids who got stuck there instead of a bigger school. I got grouped in with the trouble-makers but I never really felt like I was meant to be there. I was always supposed to be here, with you in my arms. And which guy thought we were dating? I want to hug him."
"Sean from the basketball team. Please don't hug him, it was really awkward at  five in the morning when he asked me if we were still together."
"Still together? I like the sound of that."
"I told him we weren't together and that we never were."
"Ouch." He said, "I thought you loved me."
"I'm gonna leave your room."
"No, just stay here with me."
"Only until Ander gets home."
"She's only been gone an hour."
"You've got three left."
"What did I say about three hours early? Oh yeah, three hours might just be enough time."
"You're such a dork."
"Well you loved his dork."
"That's it, I'm leaving." I laughed, but didn't get up. And eventually he fell asleep on his closet floor with me in his arms, whispering, "Wyland Aston James."
Not too long after, I feel asleep too.