I'm a mess... I screwed everything up...my best friend....he's gone...my everything...he's gone. Why do i do this? Every time I have something good I make it turn to shit. Am I just unlucky? It makes sense.. I lost the two people that I was closest to...all because I made a damn mistake that I shouldn't have made...when will everything end...I can make it end...but....he wouldn't want me to. I'm sorry for everything I did to him, for everything I said to him to hurt him. I will never forgive myself for that one mistake I made.. that must have hurt him a million times worse than what I've done in the past... if you ever find this and read this... Monkey... I'm sorry... I lose sleep every day knowing you won't ever love me again... I know you think that I'm trying to get you to pity me...or you think I'm using you but I'm not. Okay? I think about you all the damn time and I can't get you out of my head. Every day I feel more and more guilty.... So if you find it in your heart one day to forgive me...please let me know, so I can be at ease....
