My STD Coach: Yoonmin

II

"Park Jimin. Age: 24. Hobbies: sleeping around with men and women."

"Yah. You don't have to be a douche." I glare at the bastard behind the desk.

"He's doing his job." Jin scolds me.

I really fucking hate this. Why did I let Jin drag me into this?

I stare at the decor of the office.

On one poster it says 'Cover your hose before you curl her toes'. Another says 'Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe' and it has a picture of a middle finger.

Wow. This place is ridiculous.

"Okay." The bastard shuts his laptop. "I should introduce myself."

"You don't have to." I object.

"I'm Agust D. My name stands for Against Universal STDs. My birth name is Min Yoongi and I work to save people from their own desires."

"Jin, really what is this?" I look at the smirking man beside me.

"So Jimin, on a weekly basis, how often do you have sex?" Min Yoongi, more like Min Dummy, asks.

"Like.....20 times? I think..." How often do I fuck?

Jin gasps violently. "What!"

"You use protection?" Dummy doesn't look up from his clipboard as he speaks.

"Yeah. I mean sometimes they pop the birth control pills and I just go raw." I shrug.

"What have I done wrong raising you?" Jin shakes his head in defeat.

The bastard sighs. He rests his head on top of his hand and stares at me intently.

"What exactly is your goal? Why do you want to mess around with people and their feelings?"

"Its just fun. Having a bad day? Then fuck. Wanna be happy, fuck. Fucking makes the world go round." I explain with seriousness.

Jin and Yoongi stare at me. Jin looks disappointed and Yoongi looks very angry.

But soon he claps his hands together.

"Tommorow, 10am. We'll start the treatments. Taehyung!"

Like a ghost, the cute guy from the counter enters the room.

"Yes?"

"Escort them out. Tell them about the payments and crap." The asshole goes back to typing on his computer.

I rise out of my seat angrily and storm out of the room.

"Jimin!" Jin stops me from leaving the building by grabbing my arm.

"Jin, this has got to be your stupidest idea yet. I'm not about to pay for that fuck face to so call 'help me'." I scoff.

"You're not paying, I am. I'm seriously worried about you Jimin! You can get aids or warts on your penis if you keep sleeping with everyone!" Jin yells dignified to convince me.

"Warts on my...." I don't want no warts down there.

"You're going tommorow. Try it for a week or two. If you don't like it, then you can quit." Jin huffs and walks back to his car.

I watch as he drives away and gives me the middle finger. Drags me here then ditches me.

"Would you like me to haul a cab for you?" Taehyung asks from behind me.

"No I'm fi-"

"I hauled one. It'll be here in 45 seconds." Taehyung smiles.

"Wha-" How did he...

"30 seconds until arrival."

Is he really a robot? This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

"The cab will be here in 4, 3, 2, 1, the cab has arrived." Taehyung points to the yellow taxi in front of the building.

"Hurry on before it leaves."

Before I can even register what's happening, Taehyung drags me to the car.

"Jin really did that? That's some funny shit." Jungkook throws some popcorn into his mouth.

Jungkook is my best friend/friend with benefits. Sometimes shit just happens.

"I bet it wouldn't even work on me. You can't tear me apart from the good shit."

"You hoe." Jungkook laughs.

Jungkook and I are laying in bed, enjoying popcorn while watching God knows what on TV.

"For the first time, I think I have to agree with Jin." Jungkook says after a peaceful silence.

"Oh no. Not you too." I groan and throw myself on my pillow.

"One day you might catch something. What if you get aids? Aids is no joke man. I'm saying this as a caring friend. And also has a fuck buddy, cause I don't want no STDs." Jungkook pats my thigh.

"Alright fine. I'll do it. Let's just see how long I'll last."

Thanks for reading!
Baaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyiiiiiiiieeeee