Somewhere Only We Know (Sequel to CIWWAF) (narry mpreg)

forty-eight: memories

forty-eight: memories 

It wasn't long before I found myself back at Liam's, sitting on the couch with a half empty bottle right in front of me. I couldn't tell how long I had been sitting there, how long I'd been trying to figure out what to do with my life now. Seeing Niall had reopened doors I had thought were once sealed shut, doors I didn't want to reopen because of all the pain I had kept behind them. 

Hearing his apologies, his excuses, his justifications... I wanted to forgive him, I wanted to understand him... but every time I thought about it, I just felt angry again. There had been a time where I would've forgiven him for anything, would've done anything to keep him in my life, but like he said... We were young and stupid, so in love with the idea of being in love that we never truly thought about the hurt it would all cause if things went south. 

I would always remember the day in the rain, watching him walk home like some damsel in distress... I would always remember the way he said my name that day, the light sparkle in his eyes when he spoke about his dream of being a teacher. 

"Well I hope you find what you're looking for, Harry." Something he said just to make conversation, something I held onto despite that fact. So many years ago I had come to this town for an escape from a life I never wanted only to end up falling in love with a boy who wore flower crowns because he thought they looked pretty. I wish I could say that I regretted my choices, that I regretted moving here... that I regretted falling in love with Niall, but the longer I sat on Liam's couch, the more I realized that was never the case. 

My life had always been what somebody else wanted, someone else's picture that I had no say in. It was never mine until I ran away from it, to a life where all I had was my best friend and a minor crush on a boy who wore flower crowns. With Niall, I had created the life I wanted without even realizing it. He had shown me that it was okay to take risks, to jump in head first, to throw caution to the wind, to be myself because there was nobody who could be like me. He showed me what it was like to actually fall in love with not only myself, but with the world I lived in. Falling in love with Niall was not my regret, letting him leave was. 

Three years ago, I would've done anything to make him stay. I would've fought for him, I would've told him how much he meant to me despite all of the bullshit going on between us. I would've held him close, I wouldn't have walked out of that hospital room... I would've told him I loved him more than anything in the world. 

But I didn't and he left, taking his lies, taking my family... and what did I have to show for it? I was nothing but a shell now, looking at a half empty bottle of whiskey that I couldn't even bring myself to drink. I sit on that couch, elbows resting against my knees as my head rests in my hands for a few seconds. I let out a shaky sigh, running a hand through my hair as a choked sob escapes my lips as I glance towards the kitchen. 

I had kissed Niall for the first time in that kitchen with his back pressed against the counter. I could still hear the way he whispered my name, the way it had made my heart skip a beat. It had been so soft, just like his lips had been. If I closed my eyes, I would be able to feel his hands running against my chest as he threaded his fingers into my shirt to bring me closer. 

"You're what I want, Harry." 

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks again, the memories hitting me over and over with no signs of stopping. Mornings filled with nothing but bliss, hiding underneath sheets when Liam would walk in unannounced. Afternoons filled with talking about our dreams, our interests and sometimes just staring at him and wondering how the hell I had been lucky enough to find someone like him. Nights filled with love, content as I held him in my arms and telling myself that I would never let this one go. 

I had wanted my whole life with Niall, I had pictured it... I had made us a home, somewhere that we could be a family... Somewhere that only we knew, somewhere just for us. We could've been happy and oh god did I want that... but even I knew that it wasn't possible anymore. 

Niall was right, we had been young and stupid, too in love to realize that things were never going to work out. We had said goodbye to each other long ago, the motorcycle driving Prince Harry and damsel in distress Princess Niall were gone, having rode off into their own happily ever afters that didn't seem to involve us.  There weren't flower crowns or motorcycles anymore, no serenading in the bar or tattoos being traced. 

Now it was just Niall and Harry. 

Now it was nothing but pain. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

HI. 

IT'S BEEN A WHILE AGAIN. 

I KNOW. 

I'M SORRY. 

ENDING COMING SOON AND HONESTLY IT'S NOT GOING TO WRAP EVERYTHING UP AND YOU'LL PROBABLY HATE ME BUT AT LEAST I'M FINISHING IT. 

dedication goes to NazzaStylan

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connie xx