Prologue

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Auther's note : Hi! This is my first ever novel. Pleas be supportive and any criticism is welcome if it is constructive. I hope you enjoy this introduction. Thanks xx

Do you get this feeling that you have a mask on your face? Not a real one, but definitely a mask that you cover yourself in the presence of friends and sometimes family. I do, and it's on all day and every day. I just can't take it off. I feel like if I take it off, I'm giving the chance to others to hurt me, and as a very sensitive person, I really don't want that to happen.

People don't know me as a really sensitive person, they just see me as a tough cold-hearted bitch, which is kind of true, but that's not who I am. That's what I am showing to other people, and I actually prefer to portray that than this really emotive and vulnerable side of me. This persona that I am showing is this fierce girl who is scared of nothing and is so confident but it's not actually true. I am this girl that cries every night because I am feeling misunderstood and lonely. I am currently struggling with my social life, my own sexuality and especially my love life. I'm basically having an identity crisis. I don't know what to do, I am lost and I need guidance. But where? From who? I'm too scared and proud to find guidance, I don't want to seem weak in the eyes of my peers.

This weakness that I am fearing has happened to me when I was younger, in my early teen years. I was an extremely bubbly child and pre-teen, but as I entered middle school, children were getting ruthless and really mean. I was really naïve girl and thought that everybody was a good person inside, but I learned the hard way that it is not true. As a black woman, I soon realized that the world is a cruel place to be in, I became more and more cold and not the nicest person in my teen years, I was the epidemy of a devil child especially towards my little sister who was this really nice and bubbly girl. I really just destroyed our relationship in that time of my life, and nowadays we are okay, but I know that it won't ever be the same. I apologized to her on the spot when I became older, I explained my behavior and as an incredible human being she is, she forgave me. I wasn't a role model to her as a big sister should've been.

I have this pressure on me as the oldest left in my household to succeed in everything, school, socially and extracurricular activities. But I just can't sometimes and it affects my emotions and my wellbeing. I have two older siblings who succeed in everything, our parents always praise them for their career choices and of course their spouses and children.

The oldest of the bunch is Brandy who is three years older than me, she's so tall and has this beautiful skin which is so soft and a bit in the tone of caramel, she could be a model, but instead she chose to be a successful lawyer. And to add to her awesomeness, she has a husband, Landon, who was a former model but changed into a stay-at-home dad for their awesome twins, Skylar and Kylie. And of course, our parents are just so fond of her, her job is the only thing they talk about. You can guess that I am a tad jealous of her, she has everything that I want but that I can't get for some reason.

The next in my list is my brother Anthony, he's only a year above me but he has his life figured out for him, he graduated early in high school and is a smart guy, and he definitely knows it. He's not the humblest person but with all the accomplishments he has under his belt, I can kind of understand. He thinks he is a total hot shot, which I guess can be true with all the girls and guys he had in the course of his college years. He's a senior in college to become a sound engineer, and already has a job waiting for him when he graduates. But his playboy act stopped when he met the love of his life, Grayson. They met in this really cheesy way of reaching the same book at the school's library, when I personally heard this story, it made me want to gag, but I liked seeing my brother so happy with Grayson. They got married last winter and are now in the process of adopting a child. My parents weren't so fond of Anthony being with a man, but they got over it when they saw how happy their son was. Again, I'm just so jealous.

Finally, the youngest of the family is, Kenya, she's seventeen and such a nice person, she's a very forgiving person and everybody likes her. She's clearly the perfect child. She has her future played out, with three colleges applications accepted and also a scholarship in writing in one of the top schools of the country. She's the most popular girl in school but in a very humble way. She doesn't look down on others, she helps the underdogs, she is just a good person in general. My parents are considering her like the golden child, literally.

You're probably wondering who I am right? Well my name is Melody, my parents just love music I guess, and I'm nineteen years old. I'm a freshman in college and I'm majoring in Foreign languages with a minor in Business. What will I do with those kinds of studies? Well I really don't know, I just know that it will finally make my parents proud of me. I feel like I always disappoint them, whatever I do I will never be better than my siblings. I have this fear of just being the ugly duckling of the family, which I guess I already am. I don't know if I am completely straight which I am really struggling with. I am going to fail my school year again, even though my parents think I am doing so good, but they actually never saw my grades. I failed last year and I feel like a third time is a charm I guess. This is me and this is my story. 

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