Episode 30: Tears & Rainbows

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Haru looked at me almost emotionless. “If you have to ask me if I can be trusted, you’re not going to trust me anyway.”


“I have to know if I can trust you. I can’t play guessing games, Haru. I’m not sure who’s really on my side. Are you on my side?”

He took a step closer to me. “Yes, I am.”

“And you didn’t call my mom over here to you?”

“No, I did not.”

“Would you ever hurt her?”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Would you ever hurt me?”

“Never.”

He reached his hand up to my face. He lay the palm flat against my cheek. My tears rolled towards his hand, then stopped. I closed my eyes to fight any more from falling.

“I’ve never met anyone like you, Nora. You are strong, yet your weakness threatens to derail your hopes and dreams. You say exactly what you want to, and yet you hide your most secret scars. You smile, you cry, you comfort, you break.”

With his finger he caught a tear that dropped off one of my eyelashes. I had never seen anything so clear as that one tear lighting from my lash to dance on his finger. He looked at it and then wiped it onto his own eyelash, as if he were transferring my tears to his face.

“I have barely slept since I met you,“ he whispered. “I’m afraid if I do, you’ll be gone. I’ll wake up and realize that you have just been a dream in my head.”

His finger traced a line down my cheek, beside my lips, the exact path that my tears had followed. “I was upset last night,” he said. “I saw you talking to Ryo, and then I saw him again enter your room through the window tonight, and I thought to myself it was over. It was finished before I could even tell you how I feel, or even how you make me feel.”

I felt another tear coming on. “How do I make you feel?” I asked in a cracked voice.

He smiled, and it almost brought a new round of teardrops. He was so beautiful, and I could feel his heart opening up to me and I wanted to do the same, but I didn’t know how.

“You make me feel…,” he said. “Like I was just born yesterday. With you, everything is brand new and unpredictable. I don’t know what’s going to happen one day to the next. And I like that mystery. My uncle works puzzles, and yet it’s the pieces of you I want to sift through and help put in its place.” He sighed and closed his eyes a moment. When he opened them again, they were the deepest black I had ever seen. So black in fact, they were almost reflective, like a dark mirror in which all his secrets swirled. I wanted to see myself in there somewhere, just like this, with his hands on me and sharing my breath.

“I tell myself,“ he continued, oblivious to my adoration of him in this moment. “If I could just hold you, I would know where everything goes in this puzzle. I would know if I belong here or not.” His own eyes looked as if he might cry at any moment, and I had a vision of sharing his tears, as one might share bathwater with a lover. “May I?” he asked.

“May you what?”

“Find out if I belong.”

“Yes.”

He enfolded me in his arms, drawing me to him. I felt our bodies meet. His chest pressed against mine so close I could feel his heartbeat. I’d always read, or believed, that blood did not pump within the vampire’s frame. That they were dead creatures without a heartbeat, cold to the touch, and without even the slightest pulse. But I could feel his heart beating. It was nervous, strong, and fast. His hands were on my back and I could feel the pulse of his wrist through my t-shirt. And when he pressed his cheek to mine, he was warm. His skin was not cold and clammy; in fact, his body heat threatened to overwhelm me.

His lips grazed my cheek right below the ear and I closed my eyes. It was a soft kiss that lingered on the side of my face. It followed my jaw line in a slow path towards my lips. One of his hands trailed up from my back to the neck, where his fingers seemed to disappear into the dark strands of my hair.

I read a romance novel once in which the character described a first embrace as melting into someone. I wondered for a moment if perhaps they’d known the touch of a vampire too, because I had that same feeling, as if I were melting against Haru’s touch. I’d never experienced anything like it before. Butterflies weren’t in my stomach; they permeated my whole body, and I was dying for him to kiss me. If he didn’t do this soon, I might just launch my lips onto his in sheer urgency.

His other hand touched the side of my face and I swore I could feel the pulse on the ends of his fingers, as they drew a line down to my throat. His lips, still tracing my jaw, made a slow descent there, as well. I felt his warm lips part on my skin and I thought to myself, “Oh my god, he’s going to bite me and drink my blood.”

Still, I tilted my head back, offering it to him if he wanted it. This was not like it had been when Ryo had come on to me. Then, I had felt manipulated, as if my actions weren’t my own. But here with Haru, it was a sweet surrender, a willing sacrifice just to be with him.

His teeth lightly grazed my throat, and I waited for it, but it never came. It wasn’t my blood that Haru wanted. His lips left my throat, and with his hands on both sides of my face, his fingers rested at the corner of each eye.

“I cannot live another moment without knowing the taste of your kiss,“ he whispered, and leaned his face in towards mine. I looked into his eyes and saw myself waiting, dying to know his kiss as well. Before his lips touched mine, I felt his warm breath on my face, and I closed my eyes so he would not see how much I longed for this. Our lips touched, and I felt my hands moving to the back of his head, my fingers clutching for his long pale hair. His hands left my face, and he pulled me against him until not even the air could pass between us. His lips parted against mine and I welcomed his kiss. Our open mouths, warm and moist, threatened to devour each other, and I ran my tongue along the inside of his mouth and teeth, not even caring how sharp his fangs would be.

If someone could have seen us in that moment, they would have thought we were lovers who had been separated, only to find each other across oceans of time. We were not like fumbling teenagers, oblivious on what to do, too shy to kiss for long. Our kiss seemed as if it would be eternal, and when he lifted me in his arms, I wrapped my legs about him, my fingers still wrapped up in his hair. He carried me like this down the porch steps, and when we reached the bottom, I felt as if we were falling on a cushion of cloud and air. His lips released mine and my eyes opened up to look into his beautiful black pupils. I realized we were laying on the ground, and I could see the stars behind his head as he loomed over me in the most of pleasant of ways. For a moment, I swore I could see his hair changing color, going from pale blond to match my own dark locks. I closed my eyes, as his lips came down upon mine and the world melted away from us.

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