Harry Styles Imagines

20| i hate u i love u

"Harry and I broke up. It's official, yes, we did. You don't want him back. Nope. As much as you do, nope, nope, nope! You don't need him," I tell myself, staring at my reflection.

I stare at my tear-stained cheeks and my dripping mascara. Y/n you literally look like a monster. I grab my makeup wipes and I clean all the makeup away. I wish I could easily do this with my problems.

The reason we broke up is pretty petty actually. I saw him with a girl, and he saw me with a guy that same night. We argued all night accusing each other of cheating. He did more than I ever did with my gay (may I add) friend that night. That woman he was with sat on his lap giggling into his ear and all that shit. It hurt, a lot. I don't even understand how we ended up in the same place at the wrong time. We both were going out with our friends and I guess we were at the same club, which is bullshit. He said he wouldn't then he fucking did. Over time, I realized that he really is in love with her and not me. That's what hurt the most.

I grab a random jacket from the hook and I place my hand in the pockets feeling sand. It's probably from that time we went to the beach... or was it that time we went to the park? I truly don't remember. I shake my head and put the jacket back onto its hook and I grab my other jacket. Till this day, I wonder what we could've been. You know? I always pictured us being that couple who travels everywhere to explore the world. God, I'm always missing people I shouldn't be missing.

I'm actually on my way to my good friend Louis' birthday party. I know he's going to be there too, but hey, it's been a month. I should start living right? Louis' birthday was actually a few days ago because he knows people won't come especially since he's a Christmas Eve baby. I grab his present which is a pair of black and white checkered Vans that I know he's been looking at but just doesn't have the time to buy them since he's too busy with recording and such. I wonder what Harry got him... no, I don't. No y/n, you don't. I hope I look presentable. Not for any reason at all. Really. I just want to impress my fans, be a good representation to them, yeah know? I'm wearing a light brown fur coat, a graphic white tee, black ripped jeans, and just to spice the look up, I paired it with black heeled Saint Laurent booties.

Finally arriving at the party two hours late, I'm greeted by Louis at the door, "oh love! So glad you made it," he smiles, pulling me into a hug. He offers me a cigarette but I decline. I stopped smoking when I met Harry. He didn't like it and I guess that's a thing I don't regret.

"Happy birthday and Merry Christmas Lou," I smile, giving a short peck on the cheek.

"He's in the balcony," he winks and I roll my eyes. With that, he's off to play beer pong with Niall, Liam, and a couple of other guys. I open his sliding door to get a peep of Harry and what he's doing. I finally spot him with his arm around that girl's waist. My heart breaks all over again and I slam the door shut. I instantly walked over to the table filled with shots and I pour one down my throat, slamming it onto the table.

I notice Niall giving me a funny look, "Woah, slow down there," he chuckles, throwing in a ping pong ball and landing it in a cup. Louis curses and so his friends chug the cup down.

"I thought, you didn't drink," I hear a voice that startles me. I look back to see Harry with an innocent look on his face.

"I never thought you'd cheat on me, but hey, we're full of surprises aren't we?" I snap and he rolls his eyes.

"I don't see you for a month straight and that's the first thing you say to me?" he lifts his eyebrow and I give him a flat look.

I take another shot and reply, "after a month I see you holding her. I think we're even," I begin to slur. I know I'm picking a fight because this way, I get to talk to him more. Damn, I fucked around and got attached with you, piece of shit.

"Why jealous?" he smirks, taking the shot glass from the mouth, gently placing it back on the counter.

"So what if I am?" I snarl and his eyes widen.

"Well if I were you, I would not let me go. I miss you when I can't sleep, or right after coffee, or right when I can't eat, I miss you in my front seat. Do you miss me like I miss you?" he questions with hope in his eyes. I missed those eyes. I miss his everything. I can't believe we both just started off as friends and blossomed into something even I can't explain. Friends can break your heart too, I guess.

"I got these feelings but you never mind that shit. So now that you're telling me this, you expect me to come running after you with open arms?" I snap and he bows his head.

"It hurts me every time I see you. I realize how much I need you. I made lots of mistakes with you in the past and I want to make up everything in living moment of every day. Please just let me," he begs and I sigh. I don't know what to do. The love isn't gone, at all, but the trust? Some still linger around here somewhere.

"But you want her. I can see it in your eyes. I know you're just doing this because everyone wants us together, but you. I hate you," I begin, "I love you. I-I just know!" I begin to raise my voice and he runs his fingers through his hair because he knows I'm right.

"I hate that I want you. But you want her, you need her. I will never be her," a tear slips from my eyes and I see guilt written all over his face.

"I watched you all alone watch her. You look at her as if she's the only girl you've ever seen. You don't care you never did. You don't give a damn about me. She's the only thing you ever see. So please do me a favor and just go?" I plead and he shakes his head.

"Not like this y/n. I do care, I really do. But you're right. I do love her and I never wanted to hurt you. I want to make my fans happy-"

"-you know damn well I want to make them happy as well, but you need to make yourself happy too Harry. Or else, you'll live your life unhappy with me, when you can be happy with her. Over time, the fans will understand and they'll accept it," I advise it and he nods his head.

"I'm sorry y/n. I really am. I hope you find another man to keep you smiling that smile I love," he sincerely apologizes and I give him a small smile.

"Can I just kiss you one more time? I just want to feel your kiss against my lips," I request and he nods his head, closing his eyes and leaning in to place his cold pink lips on mine.

We just stay in that position for a while and I finally feel my tears in the mix. He pulls away and tucks my hair behind my ear. After that, he walks away from me, forever.

The love is gone and so is the trust. I guess this is moving on.