Secret Love Affair (MaxTul)

Day-7 Knock "Sorry but not sorry"

The wrinkles of the bedcover was a indication of his subtle presence which I experienced last night. He wasn't on the bed nor in the bathroom when I wake up a little after usual, tedious from last night's sleep deprivation. His school bag and uniform was also not on the place where he earlier left & the set of clothes I offered him last night was finely folded on the couch. A thought of him having fun with my sister in the recess appeared in my head but I didn't feel like to focus on that.
As the cool drop of water poured all over my body & gave my brain a healing relaxation, things that happened last night, gradually appeared.
*****
We both were insomniac, there was nothing we could do in the middle of the night rather than chitchatting. As he was a new friend, there was a huge probability of him knowing me & me knowing him by engaging into a conversation.
I started first with my life story, which was pretty simple before my sister was in it. I told him about Farm & our butt buddy "thingy" which he seemed to enjoy very much. And also about the lunch-time-hunger which I had to experience all my childhood because of James. He was a great listener, I must say. He never interrupted while I blabbered like a 5year old kid, complaining about his own sister who was supposedly his girlfriend.
After I was done saying all these things full of fatuity, I realized that I didn't give him an opportunity to share his life story.
He stuttered, when he started.
"My life... my life story is ..... not as great as yours." I couldn't quite get what he was about to say but I looked forward to it.
"Stories differ from people to people, but that doesn't make me great!"
I added to cheer him up a bit.
"I'm the only child of my mother & she solely raised me up."
He sounded very sad when he said so but to me it was a great achievement. When I think about my old times when I was being raised alone, I felt like a cosseted kid in contrast to my current situation when my sister is there to put me into ignominy the every next day.
I tried to act like him as he did at my time by remaining mute. The usual me is the one who loves to be an intruder in between something solemn. But I wanted to be a deferential person when he was being frank.
"I never had any friends before. Nobody wanted to talk with me because I was never an interesting person to talk with."
It was a truth which I knew quite well. He was always the dump guy who never talked a lot unless it was an emergency. He never joined us in any of the games and was always buried in books.
The thought of being ignored, ostracized & excluded from the rest because of you are not simply an interesting asshole dismays me a lot.
"But... school was not the only place where I felt left out. It happened to me at home as well. None of my cousins ever visited me & my mom was always out for her office work. I was the kid who had no one to talk with. I mean, I knew how to use my language but I wasn't able to put it into use."
"Then how did you met my sister?"
"We met in Facebook. She was the only one to chat with me all the time."
I felt kind of proud of my sister for helping him out but I still envied her for finding him first.
"I really like your sister, because of her I'm really glad to meet you."
The word he liked my sister was like my ass being stuck on a spire but still felt good that he was happy to meet me. Without actually knowing what I was doing, in a consciously unconscious state I reached closer to him.His face next to mine & my eyes reflecting brightly in his. Our warm breath that touched each other's face signified the nearness we both were in.

"Do you mean that?"
I said looking right into his eyes. Somewhere in my heart I wanted him to mean what he said, I wanted him to be true with me, and wanted to know if he likes me too.
"Yeah, I do."
He said, confidently. I liked it how confident he was & how he wasn't making any effort to look away from this awkward situation I dragged him in. Maybe, there was a chance that he was also enjoying the intimacy as me. It kindled the fire inside me to move an inch closer than we actually were. Finally his lips were locked against mine with no room between us & his eyes were wide open with surprise.
We both remained freeze for a few seconds like that, without moving or feeling guilty.
After about a minute I came back to senses and I moved away. He was still staring at me but I couldn't dare to look back. A sudden feeling of guilt covered my heart, with my heart pounding madly. It was so loud that I feared he may hear my heart beat.
"I'll be sleeping first,"
I announced to ignore anything from being asked. The feeling of embarrassment was the most heavy thing I've ever bore. "What if he hates me now?", "What if he never talks with me again?", "What if he leaves me?". Dirty questions like that appeared all night long until I managed to fell asleep I don't know exactly when.
*****
We were just becoming close, it was not the right time for him to sever ties with me. I wasn't sure of what I should do, but apologizing seemed more like an option.
He was not in the class when I arrived school really early in the morning. It was good that I had more time to rehearse but I wasn't expecting anyone to caught me rehearsing for an apology. Which was like,
"Hey, I'm sorry for the kiss last night!"
It was more embarrassing than the actual kiss.