Madden was in love with Shaunie. This entire time he was in love with Shaunie. How did I not see that coming? Madden was one of Shaunie 's best friends. When Shaunie was alive Madden didn't even give me a second look. When Shaunie was alive Madden could care less about me. Madden followed Shaunie everywhere. Shaunie was a god to Madden.
How could I be so dumb to assume Madden liked me instead?
"Oh," I state.
That's all I can say. What else can you say when you misread someone's signs? What can you say after I literally declared my love for a guy who didn't feel the same way about me? I want to give myself some kind of digital virus right now and just crystallize into a million pieces.
"Damn. Damn. I'm sorry."
"No... need. I should go."
"Wait," he says stopping me, "It's nothing against you. I was just always in love with Shaunie. It was just always him for me. He got me into playing games. I fell in love with him and my feelings are still there. I'm sorry that you thought—-fuck..."
"It's not your fault."
"No it is. I had no idea that you felt, how you felt," he explains, "I know the feeling. Believe me. Your brother had no idea how I felt about him either. I can't believe I did the same thing to you that your brother did to me."
I feel stupid. The man of my dreams was gay. He was fucking gay. And he was in love with someone else. It wasn't just anyone. He was in love with my dead brother.
How could things get anymore awkward?
"I should leave," I state.
"Killian— stop. Can we at least still be friends?" he asks me, "You look so much like him. It's nice just...I don't know. Seeing you."
That's why he wanted to be around me. He wanted to be around me because I looked like the guy he was in love with. I feel sick to my stomach. There is so much pure jealousy that I'm feeling right now. I want to cry.
Did Shaunie get everything? He got things he didn't even want. Here he was a straight guy...who also happened to be dead and he was still winning.
He was still the better brother.
I force a smile so hard it hurts the sides of my cheek, "If I leave before you get up, I'll make sure to send you a message."
I'm crying by the time that I leave him. I attempt to dry my tears by the time I get to the room I'm sleeping in for the night with my friends.
Sarafine, Demona and Noah stare at me when I walk into the room.
"How'd it go?" Noah asks with all this excitement.
He is clueless. I ignore him. I attempt to hide the tears as I jump into the nearest free bed and throw my covers over my head. I hear Noah taking a few steps towards me but Demona tells him to leave me alone thankfully.
I'm not in the mood. This hurts more than finding out that I'm stuck in a virtual game.
I don't dream that night but I wake up feeling like I'm in a nightmare. A hand is over my face! I'm grasping for air and struggling to get the hand out of me. I feel like I'm being smothered! Was someone trying to kill me in my sleep!
I attempt to scream but I see the person standing there.
It's the black assassin. It's the same black assassin that saved Sarafine and me before. He puts a finger to his mouth to tell me to be quiet.
I'm confused. I shut up and notice the others in the room are sleeping. It's the middle of the night. The black assassin is so quiet I barely hear him. I stand there for a second and watch as he points towards the door.
