I don't know where we are. The room is dark. I wake up with my brother on the other side of the room. He doesn't speak to me. He crosses his arms and just leans up against the wall. We're silent for a few minutes. He stares up at the ceiling. I have no doubt we've been imprisoned by Manolo. I wonder why he didn't just kill us. Maybe he's just waiting to prepare the firing squad. Who knows? I felt a little dead inside anyway. I start tearing up. Shaunie doesn't comfort me even though he knows why I'm crying.
Noah is really dead.
He isn't coming back.
Every moment that goes by I get deeper and deeper into depression. Noah and Demona were my best friends. They made this easier for me. They made this transition better. It was always the three of us before anyone else. Now it wasn't.
However through mourning for Noah I realize Shaunie's dry eyes. He shakes his head as he looks over at me.
"You want to say something to me?" I ask him.
Shaunie gets up off the floor. They've taken our weapons and cleaned out everything from our inventory except our armor. Shaunie just stares out into the darkness.
"You chose him over me," Shaunie finally says.
"I panicked..."
"YOU CHOSE HIM OVER ME!" Shaunie barks at me.
Shaunie was always a little bossy growing up. He still had that thing where he felt like he was too cool to show emotion though. The fact that right now Shaunie wasn't only screaming at me but tears broke out of his eyes made it clear that he was upset. I avoid eye contact with him. He's hurt and he probably has every reason to be.
"Since this whole thing has started he was the one that I've had by my side," I explain to Shaunie.
Shaunie's facial reaction makes me realize that he isn't believing a word that is coming out of my mouth. He just shakes his head. We've been in this cell for probably a long time and the fact that he's been so quiet makes me feel like he's been holding this in.
I wish I could tell Shaunie about all the times Noah made me laugh when there was nothing I should be finding funny. I wish I could tell him all the times that he'd stuck by my side when I felt all alone and confused. Shaunie wouldn't understand though.
Noah was my friend. Not his.
"You've always had friends. You've always had Madden and the others," I explain to him, "I've always been alone. Noah and Demona. That's it. Now Noah is..."
Noah is gone.
I turn away. For a minute I think that Shaunie is going to comfort me. I think that he's going to put his hand on my back and be that big brother. Shaunie doesn't do it though. He leans up against the bars of the cell that we are in. He presses against them as though trying to escape being locked away with his annoying little brother.
"You chose him over me. I'm your own brother," he tells me.
I have a feeling Shaunie isn't going to let this go. I have a feeling he's hurt deeper than he wants me to know at this moment. It's past the tears with Shaunie now. Yet at this moment I can't sit there and really even apologize for it.
"You would have chosen Madden over me," I respond.
"Are you fucking serious?"
"I'm dead serious," I respond shaking my head, "Shaunie, let's not sit here and pretend like we are so fucking close. You hated me being around your friends. You know how I felt about Madden from the first day I've met him. You used to threaten me to stay away from the guy, remember?"
