'I wish that I could tell you that you're all that I want'
Nearly two years after her boyfriend left her with no warning, she began to fill the hole in her heart, slowly forgetting him and the memories she shared with him.
Well. That was until he sh...
It felt like hours since we had began practise, and I knew we still had a few to go. As tiring as it was, I loved it. The dancing, the singing, the fans, the tours- I loved it all; it completed me in a way I couldn't understand.
Don't even get me started on how much I love the other members. They're like my family at this point.
We'd been practising the new dream comeback for a while now and had finally nailed the last bit of the choreo. Sure, we'd performed it on some shows already, but it needed to be perfect before me did it live and not as a pre-recording.
"Take ten guys, grab some water and be back ready to go over the chorus again" our choreographer yelled through the room.
We all happily dispersed towards our bags, mine being the one in the corner. Reaching in, I grabbed out my bottle before taking a few gulps of the liquid, instantly feeling more awake then I did before.
Slipping the bottle back into the bag, I quickly pulled out my phone to check if I had any new notifications. Weirdly, I saw one from Hyuna.
Hyuna Jaemin, It's over.
What the hell was this girl on about ? I sure as hell don't remember starting a game with her. I scrunched up my face in confusion as I typed on the screen.
Me What do you mean ?
Hyuna She knows.
And that was enough to make my heart stop. I felt as though I couldn't breathe, like someone was holding me in the air by my throat.
Shit.
Please tell me she's joking. Please for the love of god tell me she isn't saying what I think she is. It wasn't supposed to happen like this I was supposed tell her, just not now.
The confused expression that previously adorned my face had now morphed into one of fear and guilt.
I can't do this. I can't. Not to her, not to me, not to my members.
What the hell was I supposed to do now ?
I knew Jihye, she wasn't one to forgive and forget. There was now way in hell she was going to let this slide. Hyuna had told me of how heartbroken she had been when I had left, it had destroyed her- it destroyed me too. The guilt was eating me alive and there was no way I could stop it. Every single night I thought of her, no matter how hard I tried to forget her, I just couldn't do it. I can't even imagine how she must of felt.
"Hey Jaemin ?"
"Is he okay ?"
"Jaemin you okay ?"
I was pulled out of my daze by a chorus of concerned voices. All the members were looking at, their eyes filled with concern.
"I-I erm I have to go, I- I'll be back soon" I stuttered as I made my way towards the door.
I heard them shouting my name behind me but it was like it had just been muffled out. I couldn't even walk straight, I was stumbling down the corridor, ignoring the confused looks from the staff.
I need air.
It felt like I was being suffocated, like someone had grabbed me by my throat and lifted me in the air. My breaths were coming out as heaves at this point and I just couldn't think straight.
I had hoped that it would have gotten better once I got outside, but it just felt worse. Guilt plagued my mind. The more I thought about it the worse I felt. I shouldn't have done it. I should have just told her at the start. Then maybe it would have all been okay.
Dammit.
Why did I have to be so stupid ? What if she comes after me what am I supposed to say ? Even worse, what if she tells everyone, tells them of how one of their idols left her heartbroken with no warning ? I don't think I could even look her in the eye anymore.
That's when the door swung open behind me.
"Jaemin, you okay ?" Jeno said as softly as he could, I knew he was scared I was going to start crying.
"Why did I do it ?" I squeaked out, placing my head down as I did so he couldn't see the tears brewing in my eyes.
"What do you mean Jaemin ?"
At this point, I could feel the warmth of the tears as they finally escaped my eyes.
"Why did I leave her ?"
———————————— A/N AS I WAS WRITING THIS CHAPTER THE GO UP COMEBACK WAS ANNOUNCED AAHHHH it's 2am here in the uk and I'm trying my hardest not to scream and wake everyone up THEY ALL LOOK SO GOOD Jaemin's pink hair is actually going to be the death of me
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