Catwalk

09. It's where my demons hide.

We've arrived almost ten hours before the party begins, all by order of Isabella.

The nerves that eat me today inside are quite different from ones the other girls are having. I haven't talked to my best friend for two days, we both have taken for granted that it's because we're both too busy, but I know that Madeleine is really hurt about me not attending to the concert. I'll still try to escape form the party as soon as I can.

"Stop eating, Malcolm is about to come." I'm not even aware that I was nibbling an apple, until I meet the terrified eyes of all the girls, even Camille.

With her sweet blue eyes, the Frenchie looks at me sideways "Not on costume test days." It's as if I was breaking some rule of the fashion world, the bad thing is that nobody has told me where they are written. The girls, of course, know them. All of them have been in the fashion world for years. Advertising, beauty pageants, Misses events, small catwalks and other things. Why wherever I go I never feel completely inside?

"But Lyona has a smoothie." I complain, not because I'm especially hungry, but because anxiety doesn't get away from me and having something to do with my hands keeps me more calm. "It's Detox." The Russian answers with that little voice like in off. Even Njeri seems proud of her at that moment, nodding slightly.

"I don't think you should stop eating ..." I can't even finish the sentence. Lux, Cami and Njeri are rolling their eyes while Lyona sips more urgently from her straw. She's thin, too thin and I do not think I'm the only one who can see it.

It isn't that we've much more time to discuss the subject. The door opens and Isabella stands firm, Malcolm has arrived and carries a coat rack with a selection of evening gowns for us. You almost have to use pepper spray so that the girls don't throw themselves on top of the clothes. "Quiet, there are for all." He says with that sexy voice, the dimple is there, although this time it doesn't seem to be just for me.

"Easy, you'll have your ten minutes of glory." Lux warns me while winking at me. The truth is that I have no idea what she is talking about until Malcolm calls Lyona to go to the dressing room. Are we going to have to change in front of him? I don't need to ask the question out loud, the bewilderment must be clear in my expression. "Have you never been in a costume test before? You'll have to get used to being naked in front of a lot of people." Camille assures me with a funny smile, although at the back of her eyes there is something dark that I'm not able to catch.

Isabella makes us invest the time between trials in walking the catwalk one more time. There will be one this night in the center of the banquet hall of the Granade Hotel, just for us. The brunette doesn't want us to disappoint the series of illustrious guests who will be waiting for us.

The minutes become eternal, when Lyona leaves that room her pale skin is so red that for a moment I fear that Malcolm has given her a couple of slaps, although it is something I can't imagine that he can do. "All good?" I'm afraid we'll have the scene where she faints again, because I can clearly feel how the Russian is hyperventilating. "I'll be in the bathroom." She mutters while the rest of us are nodding between each other, all agree in a pact without words. We'll go to the bathroom in shifts just to make sure Lyona is ok, even Njeri'll do it even though right now she's shaking her head.

The next to go to the dress room is Camille, who doesn't stop looking behind her, visibly worried about Lyona. Lux is ahead of me going to the bathroom, so it's the first time I'm alone with Njeri. The silence is so uncomfortable that I've to say something, no matter how stupid it is. "Is it normal for Malcolm to take his job so seriously?" The dry laughter of the black girl makes me feel that indeed, what I've said is quite stupid. "Everyone's going to have their hands on you, Bowie, they're all going to want a piece, or they're going to warn you what pieces they've left over. Do you think I'm a bitch? Talk to me in two years, then you'll begin to understand what this world makes of you." It's also the first time that she doesn't look at me with superiority, instead with a kind of empathy mixed with pity that makes me feel much worse than usual.

It hasn't been more than a couple of minutes when Camille leaves the dressing room. It impresses me so much when I see it that I can't believe it, I even rubbed my eyes. The Frenchie is crying, it's a silent sob but the tears run with life of their own on her round cheeks. She makes a stop signal with her hand before I ask, and she ends up going to the bathroom, being the relay of Lux.

Njeri shakes her head again before entering to test her costume choices for tonight. Lux sits next to me, leaving a long sigh. "She's locked in one of the bathrooms, I've listened to her, she thinks I didn't notice it because she ended up crying, so she was sniffing, but. .. " Lux holds her own head in her hands, I'm not sure I understood what is happening. Before we know it, Njeri leaves the room, apparently they want to leave me for be the last one. Whatever happens in there is something that hasn't affected the brunette, because she continues with the same attitude as always. "Do you want to go ...?" I leave the question to Njeri in the air, as if it weren't clear that it is a much better option for me to try to help Lyona and Cami instead of her.

When I enter the bathroom, only silence is heard. The first thing I find is Camille, she's sitting in the toilet, staring at a brownie stick in her hands as if it's a discovery. "I'm not going to talk about it." She warns me, without it being necessary for me to ask. Lyona is there in some other cubicle. "You don't have to tell me anything, I just wanted you to know that you can also count on me." Cami gives me a sad smile before throwing her snack to the toilet and saying goodbye to it forever pulling the tank.

After listening to that sound, Lyona prepares to leave. You can hear some noise inside her cubicle, when she open the door something falls to the ground. The metallic clatter makes us look in that direction. "Don't!!" She screams, but it's too late, all the white dust is scattered on the floor. Cocaine, now I understand what Lux meant. "You don't understand it..." Lyona's voice is almost a whisper as Camille rushes to clear the mess. "No, but I hope someday you decide to explain it to me." And I really hope for it, only in that way could I try to help her.