but it's better if you do! ||| ryden

2: In Which Ryan Tries To Convince Himself He's Still Straight (It Doesn't Work)

Okay, so Mr. Urie is kind of, maybe, sort of really fucking hot.

And I have no idea what to do about it.

On one hand, I could ignore it, not say anything, assume that this is just a phase that puberty's putting me through, move on from it, get married to Keltie and have three, maybe four kids. Live a suburban life that others could only dream of, and die a somewhat disappointed man instead of a happy one. On the other hand, I could embrace it; maybe figure out a part of myself that I haven't learned about yet. The thought of even accepting the fact that I want to get inside of this guy's pants terrifies me to no end.

But god, I've never been more attracted to anyone than I have him. Not even Keltie. Man, I should really break up with her.

English has just started, and already, I want to go die inside of a hole. Spencer is talking my ear off about god knows what, and Mr. Urie still isn't here. I've realized that he has a little bit of a pattern with showing up late, and I could never know why, nor do I really care to, because it's probably nothing worth paying attention to. The bell rings and the classroom is beaming with multiple conversations, and I guess I might as well talk to Spencer to pass the time. It's not like there's anything better to do, anyway.

I finally tune into what's Spencer's saying, and he's going off about some fight he had with his boyfriend, - Jon Walker, I think? - his face all types of pink and red and all colors of anger. I'm alarmed when he starts to get even louder, groaning frustratedly inbetween sentences and then rambling on some more. I wonder if he gets exhausted when he rants like that. It's not healthy.

Calmly, I wrack my brain for words to say, because I really haven't been listening, and the only thing that comes out is, "Wow, that's crazy. I'm so sorry, Spence. Can't believe he'd do that to you."

And to my surprise:

"I know, right?! I said the same fucking thing! God, he never, ever listens! I'm getting so sick and tired of.." But that's all I listen to, all I bother myself to listen to, because now, fucking finally, the highlight of my day walks in, and I'm immediately captivated by him.

There's just something about him that I can't shake. It's so insanely attractive that I feel like I might actually burst. It's so not fair that he struts around like he knows he's the shit, because he is, he fucking is, and everyone knows it, everyone accepts it, because he's just allowed to be that cocky. And god, I hate it so much that I love it. I can't find any flaw about him, and it's pissing me off.

Fuck, Ryan Ross, why the fuck can't you just be straight and move on with your life? He. Is. Your. Teacher. You don't even have a chance, so you might as well just fucking forget it.

I can't forget it.

But it's better if you do, Ryan.

Before I can delve any deeper into the dilemma I'm having, Urie's starting to talk, and of course my attention is given to him.

"Alright," He clapped his hands together and smiled at us, his teeth so white they were blinding, "as you all know, right now we're doing a unit on Romeo and Juliet," I smile. I love that book, and I always have. It's ironic though, a unit on unrequited love when just about everyone in my class would love to be with our teacher. But, I digress. "Would anyone like to tell me their best outlook on the book? More specifically, why their love is so tragic?"

Anyone could tell why their love was tragic. Their families hated each other, for christs sake. Romeo was annoyingly depressed and in love with this chick, Rosaline, but then drops her because he wants to fuck Juliet, who's 13. Romeo's 17, if you didn't know. So, I'd say it's exactly like everyone's infatuation with Mr. Urie, except he doesn't want to fuck his students, 'cause he's just not like that.

I raise my hand out of pure instinct. It's always been a hobby of mine to participate in classes, only because listening to other people's interpretations of things get me annoyed, because nobody else thinks like me, and I really hate it. Call me an asshole, but I can't stand the fact that some people aren't as smart as I am. Yeah, asshole, I know.

"Go ahead, Ryan," He looked at me and leaned back against his desk, crossing his arms and tilting his head with interest, "your best interpretation."

"Well, I think their love is so tragic because Romeo doesn't really have a good view on what love is," I begin, and immediately go into a rant, "I mean, for starters, he falls in love with this Rosaline chick. She breaks his heart, so he's all depressed and egotistical and really obsessive. It annoys everyone around him. Then, he and his friends obviously sneak into this Capulet party because he wants to get his mind off of his alleged heartbreak, sees Juliet, and then falls in love with her. Except he doesn't, really, because everyone should know by now that love at first sight is hardly real, much less with someone you don't know after just going through heartbreak. Personally, I think Juliet was a rebound. I mean, she was underage, willing, pretty, and all around naïve. He simply took advantage of her, and that's that. It's tragic because Juliet actually fell in love with him, killed herself for him and everything. Even if he had feelings for her, I think he just killed himself because once Juliet was gone, he had nothing, because not even Rosaline was going to be there for him. Not to mention the fact that he and Juliet's families hated each other anyway. He could never truly love her. It was unrequited and fun to sneak around with her, and once she died, he just had nothing to occupy himself with anymore," I let myself finish, "That's why I think their love is so tragic. It was never love to begin with."

For about five seconds, the room is silent. Mr. Urie looks like he's processing everything I said, and I'm slightly nervous, because I feel like he's about to tell me I'm terribly, terribly wrong. I'm kind of scared.

"Wow," He breathes out, and my heart starts pounding, "that was very impressive, Mr. Ross, very impressive. You seem to have a really unique outlook on this whole thing, huh?"

I laugh bashfully and lower my head, nodding slowly, shyly. "I just really like to dive into stuff like that," I sigh, "thank you, sir."

"I wholeheartedly agree with your opinion," He nods at me, the smile never leaving his face, and fuck, he's so hot I think I'm going to die. And for a split second, I swear his eyes darken, like he's hungry, and I want to cry. Surely he couldn't be looking at me like that. "I'd like to see you after class to discuss something with you, if that's alright. I'll give you a pass, so don't worry."

My stomach drops.

I reluctantly nod, and he goes back to the lesson. I turn my head to look at Spencer, my eyes wide and pleading. I have no idea what to do, because I'm pretty sure I popped a chub in the middle of that conversation, and I really couldn't take much more of talking to Mr. Urie without getting frustrated, much less stand up and talk to him later.

Spencer just chuckles quietly at me, and I really don't think he understands what I'm going through right now. l sigh, and wait for the bell to ring.

I think I might shit myself because I'm so nervous.

-

hellooooo friends! that was just a little filler chapter.

jesus my life has been too eventful lately, i've just been in the biggest bob marley phase for like 7 months now and i really love it my whole life is a movie

i also got caught smoking the other day isn't that fun :"))))

anyways things will start getting heated by like chapter five so hold ur horses just for a little i'll make this good for y'all

if you liked this chapter vote comment tag ur friends u know the deal i love u sm

as always,

-iz 💗