Solby | Drawn To You

5 // Guys \cant\ like guys.

Colby's POV

• 2:21 AM / before the phone call.

A notification pinged on my phone, i didn't want to look at it, I just wanted to keep looking up at the hotel rooms' roof for the rest of the night. And, yes, I booked a hotel room, after all that happened with Brennen, seeing the roommates would have made it worse, instantly worse.
The notification was probably Shea, she always texts me like we're together, sure, we've made out about half a year ago, but I don't enjoy it as much as I thought I did. I wouldn't say it to anyone, but she kissed so many guys, I enjoyed it more, no.. no. What.

Although, I picked up my phone, lying on my right side, and it was youtube.
I didn't know what to think, Sam uploaded? It kinda pissed me off, he uploaded after me on a Sunday, and the video didn't have a thumbnail yet, the title was what caught me off hard though.

Coming out, again.

He didn't make new merch, he didn't tell me anything, we've done this video before...
Wait -..
I clicked on the video before my phone went out of battery, it was about 9% though.

The first thing I saw was Sams soft, pearl like blue eyes stair into the camera, he should appreciate them more, they're really cute and...
Not cute, no. He's cute, no. He's precious, no.. yes! God dammit, he's so amazing but, I'm a guy.
Guys can't like guys. -

"Hey guys, it's Sam." He spoke, softly. It was unusual him being so calm, but I just listened, overthinking every movement he made.

"Now, today might not be the most fun video, but there is something I've been meaning to say for about over five.. over five years,"
Five f**king years? It is that important... he would have told me, he has told me everything, maybe he has told me and I forgot, or..

"I've just came to terms with it about three months ago. I could keep it hidden and have a normal life, without anyone knowing anything, but that's not how I want to live. I want to be free." Sams voice was more confident, but he was starting to slow down his words again, he normally does that, he doesn't like speaking fast, it's another fear of his, I never really understood it, but... then again.
He has only, in his life, told me that.

"A.. And-  this is why I'm making this short video to say. I'm proud of who I am, I'm proud to say that, right now, I'm coming out. I'm.. Im gay."

My breathing stopped, he.. gay? No, Impossible, he hasn't mentioned anything to do with men, he hasn't even looked at any men, at least, his facial impressions haven't changed when he looked at them, he mostly looked at me.. and if he did look at men, he had a confusing face, not like he was checking them out. More like he was judging them. What about Kat? They broke up, but I knew they loved each other, but maybe Sam loved her in a different way...

I stopped the video, it has three seconds left, it wasn't a prank, and it wasn't a joke, and I although Guys can't like guys, I take that back, because it's simple for anyone to like their same gender. And it's so simple and way too easy to have a crush on someone, to love someone... Personally, I could like a guy if I had too. If I had too.

Me? Liking the same gender? Like I said, impossible.

• 4:20 AM - After the phone call/

I hung up without thinking, mumbling something near the end, praying to god that he didn't hear it, but even if he did, he wouldn't have mentioned it, not one bit.
What I said, was it true? It was racing around my head for hours on end.

"I love you."

What did I even mean by that? I did love him, absolutely, I loved him like a best friend, like you should. You should love your best friend, but what if... what if you mean it, more than in a friend way. What if I loved him more than I thought?
I can't, I've known him long enough to realise that I wasn't actually... In Love With Sam Golbach.

I'm not, defiantly not.

My eyes started to close, drifting off to sleep, hoping when I wake up it was all a nightmare.
A nightmare.
It's more of a dream.

Before my mind powered off, sleeping endlessly for hours and never wanting to wake up again, sinking into the mattress. I though of him, I though of his golden hair, bowing in the wind and his clear blue eyes, with grey sparkles through them, my hand caressing his rosy-red cheeks. His cheeks are always so red when he's nervous or shy, it made me smile. Pulling him closer, until my nose was inline with his, I leaned in closer, his warm breath was sending shivers down my back, for the last time I leaned forward, towards his lips and suddenly -

"Room service!"

F**k!
... Just one more minute ...

I didn't want any of that be dream. I wanted, I wanted. I don't know what I wanted anymore.
Surprisingly, though, I did know I wanted that to be real.