Monologues Written For Very Specific Moods

8/21/18

Current Mood: it's 2:49am and i'm trying really hard not to fuck up my sleep schedules two weeks before school starts but my legs are restless and my summer job ended therefore i have no purpose in the world right now so i'll just listen to the same 3 songs on repeat as i regret my decision to have autocorrect stop capitalizing my letters and my brain won't stop fucking thinking.

i actually hate lying in bed. it was fun and comfortable for like a week but it's been too long and i never leave my room and i can't goddamn sleep. i wish i could sleep. but my brain likes to think and think and think and think...and think. and when it runs out of things to think about it digs deep and finds something so now i'm in bed and i'm hung up over my ex girlfriend who i only dated for a month and i'm stressing over a comment i received on instagram and i'm panicked over my inability to accept change which is really fucked up, yeah? i've never experienced major change. i used to cry when my mom changed around the placement of furniture because i am so afraid of change. when my mom dies i think i'll have no choice but to go with her because i can't even handle furniture rearrangement. god i would die for some sleep. i'm not even that tired, i'm just so overwhelmed by the guilt of being up this late. my brain is thinking again. ran out of shit to think about a long time ago. cycling over and over on the guilt of being awake which i wouldn't have if i could stop thinking. maybe it's my phone. maybe it's me. it's probably me.