Forever 27 club | l.s.

2

Stay Away - Nirvana

The next day, I find myself getting ready in the dressing room before sports class. Today, the subject of discussion is the new guy. I don't participate in it, but listen attentively. Apparently he got a scholarship to play football, or what they call soccer here. He's in our group and is supposed to arrive today, but none of us has seen him.

I'm turning my back to the other guys; they don't look at me and I don't look at them. I sit on the long wooden bench, waiting for everybody to get out of the room before removing my clothes and putting my sports outfit on. I put my stuff in a case and lock it; I'm the only one to do that. My past experiences have proven me that it was a necessity. I take my phone with me because I still think that someone could break the lock and try to steal it; nobody is worth trusting.

I make my way to the gym alone, there's nobody left in the hallways, everyone already in class. I walk slowly, my feet dragging on the floor, listening to the barely audible buzz that the lights make above me. It's an old school. The decripitude of the establishment can be noticed without the need of doing an approfondished inspection. I pass the red metal doors as the last bell rings.

Nobody seems to notice my entrance, but a small boy with light brown hair that I don't recognize. It is probably the new boy everyone was talking about. We look at eachother for a few seconds, but I rapidly lower my head.

I walk to a bench where no one is sitting on, but I can still feel his gaze on my back. When I turn again towards him, he's talking to Liam and Niall in a joyful tone, not looking in my direction. I probably imagined the feeling. He tells them something in a lower voice and they look back at him with a perplexed expression. I put my headphones over my ears and start Nirvana's album, Nevermind. I tap my right foot to the beat and close my eyes, trying to forget everything that surrounds me. I love this feeling that I can transport myself to another place just by listening to music and closing my eyes.

« Hey, I'm Louis. » I hear someone with an English accent say. I open my eyes and look at the person that is speaking to me and am taken aback by their eyes. As though I'd like to say something, which is fairly unusual, I can't. I'm totally frozen, I can't formulate words as if something was blocking my throat.

He sits beside me and I find my senses again. I keep both of my headphones on as in a way to say don't talk to me, but he doesn't seem to understand.

''What are you listening to?'' he asks. I don't answer, but put my music louder. ''Oh Nirvana.'' At first I don't understand how he could know, but then I realize that my music is so loud that he can hear it. My cheap headphones can still let me hear his voice, not covering the sounds that surround me. He starts humming along to it and doesn't bulge. Kurt Cobain starts screaming Stay Away in my hears which makes Louis grin wider than he was before. I look at him with an expression that I hope says: listen to the song and go away.

'' Young men sitting on the bench over there, would you mind joining us for the class?'' The teacher scolds us. The students turn to us and seem shocked to see the new kid by my side.

Louis stands up and walks back to Liam and Niall, still with a smile on his face.

The gym professor tells us to go outside so we can play soccer, but I decide otherwise and stay inside for a little longer. I sit on the floor and listen intently until I don't hear a noise, but my music. I plug off my headphones and I let the sound of music engulf the large room. The song switches to Polly and I sing along softly to the sad and deep voice of Kurt Cobain.

I suddenly feel my muscles relax and let my back fall to the cold floor. I stare at the old ceramic tiles composing the ceiling and still whisper the lyrics of the song. Memories and dark thoughts I don't want to remember engulf my head and all I can do is let them take over me. I can sense tears rolling on the skin of my cheeks. I can almost feel her there with me, but she's not, she'll never be again. I just miss her.