Delirious || Bozari

Chapter Eighteen: Atomic

For the second night in a row, Atomic woke up early.

She checked her phone. It was 4:00 am. She sighed and pulled her blanket back over her and tried to fall back asleep. Last night, she'd barely gotten any sleep. She didn't need a repeat.

For the next hour and a half, she tossed and turned, trying to force herself to fall asleep. She tried every trick she could think of; counting sheep, evening out her breaths, you name it. But it was useless. There was no way that she was going to fall back asleep now. 

Defeated, Atomic climbed out of bed and turned on her phone flashlight, making her way past the rows of beds. No one else was awake, thankfully, so no one asked her what she was up too.

This time, she didn't think that the Compound looked pretty at night. In fact, she thought the opposite. Looking into the dark, abandoned stores, seeing their peeling paint, water stains, and holes where shelves and nails used to be made her feel like she was in the middle of a horror movie. She shined her flashlight in every corner, half expecting something to jump out at her, no matter how childish she knew that superstition was. She almost tripped on her way down the escalator.

Instead of using the bathroom she normally did, she went to the bathroom on the opposite side of the building. She knew that Lasercorn was gone, but ever since last night's... interaction, she hadn't even been able to look at that bathroom without feeling panicked, so she decided to abandon it altogether.

She made her way to the sink and washed her hands, before splashing some water in her eyes. When she raised her head, she was met by her reflection, staring back at her. She shined her flashlight on the glass to get a better look at herself.

The bags under her eyes had grown. Her hair was frizzy and greasy (how long had it been since she'd taken a shower?) and her eyes were dull. She wasn't a pretty sight; in fact, she was the complete opposite. Silver never would've let her look like this. He would've made her put on some makeup instantly.

Don't you think there's something wrong with that? a voice in her head nagged. It was one she'd heard before, but fleetingly. She'd never heard it form a full sentence before.

"Shut up," Atomic said out loud. She was too tired to deal with that at the moment. Heck, she barely even had enough energy to stand.

No, the voice responded. I'm not going to shut up. You're going to listen to me for once in your goddamn life.

"Shut up!" Atomic shouted, knocking over a soap container as she slid her hands across the sink counter, looking down so she didn't have to look at herself anymore. She didn't want to anymore. Her face looked alien to her, like it belonged to someone else and she was just borrowing it, like a mask she'd seared into her skin.

Look up, you coward, the voice demanded. Look at yourself.

"No!" Atomic screamed, slamming her fist into the counter so hard that all of the soap containers shook. "Leave me alone!"

I wish I could, the voice replied. But I can't. I am you, Atomic. I'm not going anywhere.

"What do you want?" she asked, tears forming in her eyes. God, she must sound like a madwoman, talking to herself like this. If anyone walked in right now, they would think that she'd gone absolutely insane, and she wouldn't blame them.

There's a lot of things I want, the voice responded. It was a feminine voice, one that sounded almost exactly like her own. Right now, I want you to look at yourself.

"No!" Atomic argued.

It wasn't a request, the voice replied. Look at your damn reflection, you miserable excuse for a woman. Do it.