S I C K N E S S | paused

first one | awareness

awareness of being different.

Just like in every other cliché story, this day started with the shouting of an alarm clock in the room where was Kayla lying in her bed. She wasn't actually asleep for 3 hours now, so when she heard beeping, she stopped it immediately. She really didn't want to get up from her warm bed. But it was necessary.

It was 7 am when Kayla got on the bus which was supposed to take her to school. When she sat by the window, she dives herself into the same deep thoughts as yesterday at night. On holidays, when she was on vacation with her mums on the sunny beaches, where bars and swimming pools were all around her, she realized something kinda scary, to be honest. She watched all the couples being happy with each other. All the girls kissing girls n vice versa with boys. But the problem was that she just could not see herself being in love with a girl. She never turned around when pretty girl crossed her way. But the thought of telling someone was insane. Was almost suicide at this point. She would be called an abomination, no kidding. She wasn't even sure if her parents would take it. And that is what scares her the most. But maybe, just maybe this was only a temporary fling. She hoped at least.

The bus stopped right next to her high school. She was in her Junior year. Even though Kayla wasn't A student, like her best friend Sherley, she wasn't stupid at all. She had her future mapped out to details. She wanted to go to college and be a doctor. Another cliché, huh?

She stepped out of the bus and head right to the main school gate, where was Sherley already waiting for her.

,,Where the hell were you?! It is freaking 7.35 if we won't get our places in the class, I will kill you." she didn't even say hi. Typical her, so nervous all the time and stressed out.

,,Chill out Sher, we have half an hour."

,,We have half an hour." she mocked Kayla and started running to the class that fast, that Kayla was left behind.

When they finally made it to the class, there was almost no one. Kayla give Sherley her "I told you" look and she just rolled her eyes on her.

Just the best way to start a day.
-
Civic education teacher Mrs. Freiberg was talking about relationships for 45 minutes. 45 minutes of her life she has spent listening to what she's scared of the most.

She was talking about how dangerous it is to actually be with someone who's your opposite gendre.

She doesn't understand it actually. What is so dangerous about it?
Well people would judge you, but why?

In new school program they conceal the truth. They are teaching them about ancestors and history yes, but they aren't all about the good things like the discovery of America, it's all about the bad things. And that is heterosexuality. The way children are made.

Well... Were made. There can't be such thing as sexual intercourse between boy and girl at this time. That's forbidden apple. How kids are made now? Well, it's simple. Artificial insemination. It's just how it works now. Maybe it sounds a little weird, but it is what it is. Can't change that.

And that's what's scaring her the most. She can't change that she just can't imagine her life with another woman, she can't see herself happy that way. Even though she's trying so hard to think that it's just a fling, she doesn't believe it anymore.

,,Kayla are you listening? Or are you dreaming about someone?" Sher literally screamed at her.

,,Yes, yes sorry. What did you say?"
,,Are you coming with me?"
,,Where?"
,,It's lunch time, Kayla."

lunch time aka the worst time in the school.
-
The real problem actually wasn't the fact that Kayla and her friends had nowhere to sit. The problem was something else. They were chatting and talking about new gossip of the school.

But not Kayla.

Kayla was sitting. She was sitting in the high school dining room. That's the room where you're supposed to eat.
But for Kayla it was something else.

She could see everything, everybody from here.

The couples, kisses, hugs. Something she can never have. Because she's different. And she knows it now.

What would her friends tell her if they only knew. Should she tell them?

Absolutely not. They would judge her. Even her friends would. Everybody would. Because they call it sickness.