Just when you think

It was all okay

It was all okay.

I really did believe that we were okay. Mum has been acting like she was over it for a few months but lately, she has been a real mother to me and I absolutely love it! She cooks dinner at night and makes me and Jace lunch, she picks us up from school and even took me clothes shopping last week. Now, I am annoyed at myself for letting my mind get so excited about Mum. It has been 5 days now and she is sitting in front of the TV………again! Mum has gone into a turn stage again. That's what I call it anyway. It has been happening for a few years now every 1-2 months when she gets in this mood where nothing matters, nothing is worth doing and she just sits on the couch staring at the blank TV, that tiny thing that sits in the corner of our so call living room. She is going to have to get her "motherly" act together because we are all ready to move to South Australia. According to our calendar, in 3 days we have removalists coming so my brother Jace and I will have to pack Mums room up for her as we have both seen she is still in the turn.

I wonder what Mum will do when her blank TV is gone. Maybe she will go to a computer or phone? She won’t use them, she will just sit there looking at the blank screen.  This turn stage has been going on for a couple of years now and I have this theory that it all started on her marriage anniversary the year after Dad disappeared. Mum had no idea what to do that day, so she went out to “their” park bench near the lake and sat there all day from 8 in the morning till 6:23 at night. Yes. I do know the exact time she came back from the park because that is the day that has impacted me the most, that is the day mum didn’t say a word to me, that was the day she had her first turn and most importantly, that was the start of me looking after Jace,my brother. Jace thinks of me as his “godmother”, you know? The mother you secretly wished you had but never got to spend enough time with.……. Well, now Jace has me and I try so hard to keep my sisterly standard but with Mum out of the jist for 70% of the time I am the one looking after myself, Jace and most of the time, Mum.

I always ponder on what my life would be like right now if Dad was here.  I would get to be a normal teenager and complain about my bad hair days or what kind of cool clothing I need to wear on the weekend to go hang out with my friends. Maybe when Mum is back to normal she could come help me choose make-up and pick out cute outfits. Erhhhhh, I have made myself start to tear up again! Not full on crying, just a screwed up face and a few tears running down my face. I take a deep breath, keep my head still and look up at the ceiling, trying to clear the tears that are welling up in my eyes. Then all of a sudden I nearly hit the roof with fright because Jace screamed. I knew it wasn’t his “I’m hungry” or “listen to me” scream. It was a “help me” or “I’m scared” scream. I sprint out of my room nearly knocking my bedroom door off its hinges and run down the hallway. I come across a scene in the kitchen I never thought I would see. What do I do? Yell at her like she’s a dog? 

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Sorry, very short chapter!

Next chapter should be up soon if you like this one:)