short stories and other things

hellen.

i took a deep breath.

the jar of rose water in front of me shook. next to it, i burned rosemary and black salt in a stone bowl. on the other side of the jar, another, smaller jar of dirt collected from my backyard.

red, pink and white rose petals scattered the floor around me in a shape vaguely representative of a circle.

i crossed my legs and placed a small metal bowl full of flowers and a piece of rose quartz in front of me. under it, the star tarot card from my favorite of three decks.

the flowers i found everywhere. i gave my thanks to the earth before taking each one from its home. three daisies from a field. a white rose from my grandfather's garden. baby's breath from a local apartment complex. each one with a story to tell.

eyes closed, mouth slightly open.

a deep, peach-colored breath.

i still didn't know how to do this.

"dearest aphrodite"-that sounded awful-"wait, my aphrodite"-no, she didn't belong to me!-"aphrodite, i ask you today to please keep me safe." she knew i had it tough. she knew how i felt about myself and how i thought others thought of me. times were tough.

i peeked over at my bowls and jars and took a pinch of the burned rosemary and salt and placed it into the jar. "air, earth-no, air, fire..." jesus. i sprinkled in dirt from the jar. "earth." water from the other. "water."

a smile tugged at the edges of my lips as i took my second favorite bit of rose quartz from the bowl and into my left palm. i set the metal tin aside and revealed the tarot card. the scrape of the bowl immediately brought my mind to "dark brown with bits of copper."

"please take this rose quartz as an offering for my request. i ask for your love and safety. thank you, dearest aphrodite." i opened my eyes and dropped the quartz into the bowl. the sharp ting it made flooded my mind with a deep silvery blue. the deep, shaky breath that escaped past my lips looked like white noise.

i slipped one of the flowers i keep in the bowl behind my ear. a flower for her.

suddenly, a tear. a tear rolled down my cheek. i gingerly touched it with my middle finger. my eyes burned orange from the salt. and then, a slight weight on my right shoulder. not a scary, ominous weight, a light, comforting one.

she was there.

i could hear her in the people that talked outside and the fan that blew in the room next door. comforting me, letting me know she was there.

she seemed to say, "don't worry, tyler. i am here. i see you. put effort into yourself and love and joy will follow. i will be there in everything."

another tear rolled down my cheek. with a pale yellow gush of wind, the flower blew out of my hair and fell gently on top of the star tarot, also partially covered by a single white rose petal.

i smiled. "thank you, my goddess."