all the wrong choices // drarry

sleepless

Harry woke next morning wishing he could have slept in a little longer. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, blearily looking around the dormitory. Ron was not there, and his bed looked like it had not been slept in, meaning that he had spent the night with Hermione again. Harry understood this, seeing as they had not seen each other for a while.

Harry suddenly thought of Draco, whom he had not seen for a while. They had not come across each other last night, and Harry knew that they needed to talk. Trying to shake this thought from his mind, Harry got up and rifled through his trunk for his shampoo and shower gel, then set off for the bathroom.

"You look awful, Harry," said Hermione as Harry sat down opposite her in the Great Hall fifteen minutes later.

"Thanks, Hermione," Harry chuckled, taking the coffee she offered him.

"Oh, I didn't say it to be nasty. Did you sleep at all last night?"

Harry nodded, though he knew that his sleep had been very restless indeed. He had dreamt, over and over again, of him catching up with Draco. Multiple scenarios had played out, none of them ending well: first, Harry and Draco had had another fight that escalated so much that Draco had ended up dead; in another, Draco had told Harry that he never wanted to speak to him again; in another, Harry's memory had been modified so that anything and everything he had ever learned about the Wizarding World had been wiped clean from his mind. There had been many more dreams, all of them ending equally or even more tragically. At one point, around four in the morning, Harry had considered going to Madam Pomfrey for a helping of Dreamless Sleep, but he was so tired that he could not bring himself to get out of bed, let alone walk through the castle under his Invisibility Cloak.

"An hour of sleep doesn't count," Hermione said, raising her eyebrow, but Harry shook his head.

"I got enough sleep," he lied. "I'm fine."

As he tucked into his eggs and bacon, he glanced at the door and saw Draco coming into the Great Hall. Draco didn't look Harry's way as he came in with Pansy and Blaise, and he sat with his back to Harry. Harry frowned, wondering whether Draco shared the same feelings about their inexplicable relationship as he, Harry, did now.

Hermione had Ancient Runes first lesson (as did Draco), so Ron and Harry went back up to the common room. Their next lesson was Charms, and Professor Flitwick gave them so much work that Harry was not presented with an opportunity to cross the classroom and speak to Draco.

All day, Harry tried to find Draco so that they could talk, but either Draco was nowhere in sight or Harry was too busy to talk for more than a few minutes, and he was positive that he and Draco would need much longer.

It wasn't until after dinner when Harry came out his dormitory to the loud chatter of the common room, that he finally cornered Draco, who was sitting alone by the window, a book open in front of him and his chin resting on his hand. Harry strode up to the desk where Draco was working and slid into the seat beside him.

"Hello, Potter," said Draco, not looking up from his book.

"Hi," Harry smiled at him, but Draco stared pointedly at the text on the page. "I've been looking for you all day."

"Me?" Draco did well in suppressing his hopefulness.

"Yeah, you. Have you been avoiding me?"

"Why would I be avoiding you?"

Harry shrugged. "I dunno... So you weren't?"

Draco did not reply. Harry pressed on, "Anyway, I've been looking for you because I think it's probably a good idea - no, I think we should talk."

"Why?" Draco asked quietly, turning the page over with his free hand.

Harry made an impatient noise and suddenly pulled the book away from Draco, closing it with a snap. Draco turned his head, not lifting it from his hand, so that he was looking at Harry at last.

"Don't you think we should talk?" Harry asked restlessly.

Draco shrugged. "I don't see why we should. There's nothing urgent."

Harry gaped at him. "I - what? 'Nothing urgent'? Draco, you can't hide from me with the excuse 'we'll talk after Christmas' to get out of this any more. It's after Christmas. We need to talk about this; we need to talk about ... us."

"Us?" Draco raised an eyebrow at him. "There isn't an 'us', Potter."

Draco pulled the book from his grip and returned to his page. He hoped - with all his heart - that Harry would refuse to accept no for an answer; that he would protest and stay up all night trying to persuade Draco that there was something between them (though, naturally, it would not take long). Of course, he had not said this, because he would rather face his parents again than tell Harry his true feelings.

"Yeah, okay," said Harry after a moment. Draco lifted his head and looked at him, his heart sinking. "I didn't think so... I just wanted to clarify. Right then, I guess I'll see you around."

He got up and strode back across the common room without another hand. Draco turned and watched him as he sat down with his friends, grinning and laughing without a care in the world. Draco felt his throat tighten and he quickly got to his feet, slamming his book shut and rushing away to his room, which was, thankfully, empty.

Draco sat on his bed and hung his head, burying his face in his hands. He had been so sure that Harry would argue with him. His behaviour before he had left last month had made Draco feel like something was bound to happen between them. Draco suddenly stomped his feet on the stone floor angrily, then flung himself across the bed so that his face was pressed into his pillow. He screamed out in anguish and almost immediately began to sob. He could not remember the last time he had felt so dispirited; so disappointed ... more with himself than with Harry, too. He was annoyed that he had so foolishly fallen for Harry and let himself think that everything would work out. How stupid he had been... Had he completely forgotten about the years that he and Harry had spent loathing each other? As if there could ever be something more than a civil friendship between them; as if Harry Potter would ever fall in love with Draco Malfoy...