Just Poetry

Im about to get real depressing so please just ignore

I just spent an hour convincing myself
Not to end this living hell
And with each word I seem to tumble
Further into the pit which yawns beneath my still beating heart
A beat I wish I had the power to silence
The only rhythm that ignites a retched pain when I realise I'm still alive

Each breath is becoming more difficult
Sometimes I wish I couldn't breath
I wish I could force myself to drown in my uselessness
I wish I could snap out of this daze,
This confusing daze exhausting me, draining me of strength

I haven't got out of bed for days -
Other than to eat, but that doesn't count.
I've been doing a lot less of that lately too.
No one has noticed.
No one noticed anything.
When the tears were marking my skin, my soul, as though they were searing a path of inevitable doom through my skin, my flesh.

I don't think I can go on like this.
I don't want to go in like this.
But I don't have the energy to lift my the blade to my skin

And I don't think I can handle going

I just want it all to stop.

Yet I keep staring at this blank wall.

And nothing changes.

I just spat words on the page
Forgive me