Tentang

Untold

Today I read a story. Actually I've found this story for a long time, but I'm still reluctant to open it because I'm afraid what he told me it was about us who different from the others.
Today, I read it, not until the second part I've almost lost again. I also want to tell my stories like him, I have friends who want to listen too, but why is it so difficult to tell  when I want to tell.

I still remember my bestfriend saying, "Hey please, Why do you have to sue people to understand you?"
one friend also said, "Sorry if like this I can't help a lot, that's your problem is about yourself and you"

Well they're right, they're not wrong, but if I can be honest it also hurts. Then I give up to tell more, I prefer to just keep it. But I was wrong. It just made me worse than before.
I want to try telling again, but it seems like my brain is cramping, haha. What comes out of my mouth can never tell what I really want to say. But I'm still trying to find people who want to hear my story, my friend is also still willing to hear.

I found an answer that I actually knew they would say like that. "Hey, Why didn't you just come to your God? He's the big answer" I feel myself very miserable, I know everything will end with this answer. I don't know how to say, I don't know how to respond because right away I looked like a fool who always asked the same thing and in the end I knew what they were going to say, why should I ask again?

After that I felt numb, I just stayed silent and my mind was very random but I just kept staring blankly at the street. I think i really look like a fool. I like falling deeper because I don't know what to do, what to say. I don't know, I'm confused, a small voice says, "It looks like you really gave up and you will live like a numb person."

Honestly I want to say, Won't I be accepted if I'm sick? Why is it so difficult to explain until I hate myself? How to make everyone understand? I don't want to sue for ya to understand, but can't I say, do I look like a godless? haha I want to get well from all this first.

I smiled after writing all this. i think, i am getting scared again to come to people. I hardly 'recognize' myself. i always thinking, 'what' am i?

But, it's okay, sooo muuch thank you all.
Yeah,
it's okay.