To all the boys I've loved before ||

Almost is never enough.

Dear Blank,

   See I never thought you would talk to me let alone become best friends. What we had was so confusing YOU ARE HARD TO FIGURE OUT.

It all started when it was the first day of school. I didn't have much classes with my friends, so I was mostly alone.

  But you told me to stay with you during all the classes we had together. It would be 2 whole hours of a free period, just you and me.

  At first it was very awkward because we never talked to each other personally alone without someone else involved.
  
What brought us together was music. You told me  to come closer to listen to this song.  I wasn't that into his type of music but it grew on me. Next thing you know it became a daily thing.
      You would walk up to me and tell me If was ready to go. We walked to class everyday alone. I didn't see it as anything else but just a friendship.
   
Then we went everywhere together and talked to each other about everything. The whole grade was convinced we were dating since we were everywhere together, but they were wrong.
  I eventually caught feelings. I had mixed feelings if i should tell you or if you even liked me back. People would say you would talk about me a lot and see how you look at me.
   
During class you will get me mad and mess around and try to grab my hand but I just didn't care. I didn't want you to know that I liked you and wanted to make things weird.
     
You started to tell me things about other girls and show me their instagrams. At first I thought you were doing it to get me annoyed but maybe you weren't.

  You told me you liked blank and blank was my friend. You sent me mixed signals and in the end you dated her. Just when I was about to tell you I liked you for a while.
   
    I got sad for a while and cried to my best friends because they too thought we had a thing. I got over it and promised myself to not think much about it and stick to being friends.
   
    They only lasted two weeks. The whole school had been talking about s guy having feelings for me and he heard.
    
     During the free class period the guy tried to talk to me and smiled friendly. Instead of letting me be he came closer to me and leaned his head on my shoulder. HE FUCKING LAYED HIS HEAD ON MY SHOULDER WHILE THE DUDE WAS TALKING TO ME.

  I felt uncomfortable because I didn't know what to do so I pushed away and saw what he was doing. HOW TF CAN YOU DO THAT. DATE MY FRIEND YET WHEN A GUY IS INTERESTED SO ARE YOU???

   YOU BROKE MY HEART BY PLAYING AND GETTING ME CONFUSED.

When I asked you wtf was that you told me " I was tired."  WTF.

I could tell he was jealous , so I started to hang out with the guy to get him mad. The guy didn't mind he was a player and was fine with it. He too wanted to get him pissed.

He saw that we were talk and always came in between us and wrapped his hand around me neck. I tried to get his hand off me all the time.

YOU CANT JUST WANT ME WHEN YOU FUCKING WANT TO. IM A PERSON NOT YOUR TOY.
 
   Then for one week I was certain you liked me. You  was about to tell me something but   you always trolled me and told me something stupid instead.

  You would ignore all the girls and talk to me. I did the same with the guys. I didn't wanna date anyone else I just wanted you...

  My friend found you stupid and I would agree but I still loved you anyways. The irony is the girl you ignored for me liked you but you didn't liked her back . You ignored her and used her for homework.

   Later you FaceTime her for homework help and she have you answers. The girl you ignored you fell for but she didn't fall you again so easily.

I then became the girl who was ignored and back to second place . Where I belonged to you second....

  SHE DIDNT EVEN CLAIM YOU!
SHE WOULD IGNORE YOU!
SHE HARDLY GAVE YOU ATTENTION OR AFFECTION!

You did allll that and now you're still running after her while she still doesn't claim you...

Now you are second place and know how it feels to be ignored. You only come with me when things with other girls go wrong or you need to talk about your feelings.

  But see I don't deserve this all I did was put you on top of my list all the time while you had me on second.  I hope she breaks you like you broke me.

I still love you but not like that anymore. I will always care for you because before all this we had something special a bond.

Goodbye Blank.