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I wanted...
A clown was holding my hand firmly. At that time I didn't know what clowns were and what they did but the person whose left hand was intertwined with my right told me he was one. He explained to me how he liked making kids happy and a clown's job was to entertain kids. He said he really wanted to perform some of his magic tricks for me but couldn't really do so right now since we were prohibited from doing anything other than holding hand with each other.
In this pitch black darkness, I couldn't make out what he looked like at all yet he managed to etch a deep impression onto me. I guessed it was because in that moment of loneliness, confusion and fear from suddenly being left behind by my mother in this unfamiliar and not illuminated place, he was there, making pointless small talk with me. The only indicator I had of his identity was his strong grip along with his deep and husky voice which somehow soothed and calmed me.
I wanted to keep the conversation going since I thought it would be the last time I would get a chance. I was really curious about what a magic trick was and how it differed from the magic we normally practice in our daily lives so I decided to ask him about that. Before I even got the chance to utter a sound, I was interrupted my mother who finally arrived and was standing next to me. She told me to be silent since the ritual was about to start and reached out her right hand indicating me to hold it. I stretched my arm as far as I could so that I could grip her hand.
On that night, I couldn't quite apprehend what was going on. My mother suddenly woke me up an hour ago and brought me here through a portal. I was not even given anytime to change out of my pajamas or wash my still groggy face. She did give me a few instructions on what to do and about how we are forming a circle for a ritual. The only explanation she gave on the reason she was bringing me here was that the Fool that was supposed to be here couldn't make it. She lamented that she really didn't want to bring me along as a substitute but didn't have any choice in this matter. She even asked me to forget everything that would happen and said it was better that way.
The way she acted that night was radically different from her usual kind, considerate and loving self. It almost like she was panicking and afraid of something, something even more horrifying than I could even fathom. But that thought was preposterous. No one in the world would believe for even a second that my mom was afraid of anything. My mom who was the headmaster of the world renown institute of magic and was one of the few that fought valiantly against the Dark Lord alongside the Chosen one when she was a teen. She was one of the few who shared the same Arcanum as the Chosen One. She had even once driven away a dragon, a being resistance to most magic and tamed a griffin as her own that was said to only accept the bold and dauntless to ride on it.
My mom's grip tightened. I guessed it was now the time for me to play my role and perform what she instructed me to. I will for my Arcanum to appear. A floating book containing the spells that I have learnt manifested from thin air. I took a few deep breaths to calm my anxiety and declared as loud as I can, "Ego Scurra!" A card soon began to materialize in front of me.
The card glowed with a dim light but it's glow was blinding enough to my eyes that have gotten used to the darkness. After my eyes adjusted from being dazzled by the light, I could slowly make out the image that was on the card. What appeared on the card is very similar with what's on the cover my Arcanum, the difference were that what's on the card was clearer, filled with vibrant color and more detailed.
There was a young person, standing near the brink of a very steep cliff on the card unknowingly walking towards it. He or she seemed to be on a journey and was accompanied by a small white dog. On his or her right hand was a white rose while on the other hand was a small bundle of possessions. On the bottom of the card was another thing that differed from my Arcanum, the term "THE FOOL" was printed on it.
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Following my lead, the clown to the right of me then declared: "Ego Magus!". Through the corner of my eyes I could see a card also appeared in front of him shining a dull light towards him but I couldn't see what was on it but I could guess what it was. I wanted to turn my head to the right to get a better view of the clown now that it was brighter but my mother warned me not took my sight away from my own card once it's materialized.
The others beyond him soon followed suit declaring their Arcanum's name in the Mystic Language. The High Priestess, The Empress, The Emperor, The Hierophant, The Lovers, The Chariot, The Strength, The Hermit, The Wheel of Fortune, The Justice, The Hanged Man, The Death, The Temperance, The Devil, The Tower, The Star, The Moon and The Sun. Each of them pronounced it strongly and full of resolved which made me feel like I could have done mine a lot better.
For some unknown reason, as the ceremony continued, I felt that I had been through this before, at least something similar to it but I couldn't really pinpoint when. It was like a faint memory I had.
It was finally my mother's turn. Using the faint glow emitting from the 20 cards that were materialized, I glanced at her though the corner of my eyes and could see her staring worriedly at me. I guessed she must have wanted to say something but maybe decided that it was best if she didn't. She then declared loudly, "Ego Lūdicium!" and the same as it was for everyone else, a card appeared before her. Once the card finished materialising, she said, "Egredere, Mundus!!!" From the center of our circle of people, a stone slab about the size of a table arose from the floor.
At this moment, excruciating pain ran through my whole body. It was like the all the blood in my body was trying to burst out of it. I was immediately on my knees. My whole body was drenched with sweats, tears were gushing out of my eyes as well as having saliva and mucus coming out of my mouth and nostrils. It was agonizing but the suffering was over instantaneously and it was replaced by a feeling of nauseous. I felt dizzy and was struggling to remain conscious. Before my eyelids could shut, I remembered seeing the cards gathering towards the stone slab and the last thing I heard before I fainted was "Ergedere, Unum Quærēns!" The next thing I remembered was waking up in my bed like nothing had ever happened.
Quite a few years have passed, I have not seen that clown ever since and I still did not know what kind of ritual I participated in back then. I tried pestering my mother a few times for answers or explanation but was never given any from her. She only answered me with the same exact thing she told me on that fateful night, "Forget everything that happened that day, dear. It's for your own good."
I only knew what that ceremony was about on the day of my mother's death from the very same clown I met that day.
