If Only

Chapter 11- Fault

Taylor's Point of View

It was the sound of rustling and distant sirens that pulled me back to reality but the sirens weren't distant, they were right next to me.

"Matt?" I said, but it sounded more like "maa" and the moment I said it I regretted it, because the pain in my jaw was so strong I thought I was going to cry, or pass out again.

I heard someone, who I guessed was Matt, groan.

There was a sudden bright light in my face, making me squint.

"Sir, are you ok?" Came a voice which I assumed came from a woman behind the light.

"No." I said, but it sounded like "nah".

"Ok, stay right there, don't move." She demanded.

Well that's a stupid thing to say. If I could move, I would have done it ages ago.

There was a noise that sounded like a car door slam.

"What the hell?!" I heard a familiar voice say.

"Sir, stay back, please, this is a crash site." I heard the same woman who talked to me say.

"No! They're my friends!" came the second voice again. I heard a thumping of feet and out of the corner of my eye, saw a shadow of someone.

"Taylor? Taylor, it's me Cameron." His voice urgent

"Cam?" I tried, but it sounded like "can".

"Taylor." Cameron's voice kind of broke and I could see the shadow of his hand reach out to me, but pull back after a moment hesitation.

"You're upside down Taylor. What happened?" Cameron asked, but I didn't answer, because I couldn't.

"Sir, step way now please." The woman instructed Cam.

The woman got down on her knees down beside my window. "Ok sir, we are going to get you out out of there, just hold still."

After much maneuvering and spikes of pain, the people finally had me on a stretcher, my head was turned to keep my air way open, but I could also see the car. Now the people were working on Matt, trying to get him out of the whole mess, that I created.

Cameron was walking beside me, with his hand on the stretcher, while an EMT was pushing it to the ambulance.

"Look, I'll make sure Matt gets out all right, I texted Reagan and she is on her way to the hospital so you will have someone there." Cameron said.

I felt myself being lifted into the back of an ambulance. There was a sudden cry of pain from the mess and my breath caught in my throat, Cameron's head snapped around and I caught a glimpse of him jogging toward the totaled car before I was shut in.

I was hooked up the air tank and I could feel more EMT's dotting my face where there were cuts, but one EMT in particular was working on my side, every time I saw his hand go down, I felt sharp pains sear their way up my body, and when he pulled his hand away, it was covered in blood. We hit a small bump, and I passed out again.

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I woke up in a hospital bed with the bright fluorescent lights shinning down and burning my eyes. Vanessa was sitting next to me, holding my hand. I pulled away from her and looked around the room.

Reagan was sitting in a chair next to the door, looking at her phone, every once in a while she would type something, then wait.

"Where's my dad?" I asked, but something was wrong not only did it sound like I said "were muy daad, I couldn't open my mouth, at all. I reached up to see what was wrong. That's when I noticed the cast on my left arm. It was a bright green. I lifted my head and looked down at my body, there was a huge bandage wrapped around me. I looked back up at Vanessa and started to breathing really fast, from panic I searched her face for answers, but came up short.

"Your father is just outside." She said, holding up a finger and pointing at the door. "He is talking on the phone."

Reagan suddenly appeared at the bed side, her face was sympathetic.

"Taylor, you broke your arm, nearly all of your ribs, and your jaw, so they wired it shut so it will heal." She explained. "When they took you out, you had a huge cut in your side." She pointed down to where most of the bandage wrap thing was directed.

"Whaa bout Matt?" I asked I hated the way I talked with this thing on my mouth. I didn't sound human, or an intelligent one at least.

Reagan glanced up at Vanessa. "Um, I'm sorry but do you mind if I talk to Matt in private?" Vanessa nodded and stood, then walked out.

Reagan turned back to me. "Matt's not doing so well." She said with a side glance at the ground. "He has two broken legs, a broken arm, all of his ribs broke, and his nose also broke. When they found you guys he was barely breathing. When he got here, they put him through surgery to remove a piece of glass in his shoulder. He is very lucky to be alive." Reagan said. She looked at the bandage on my stomach and reached out and put her hand on top of mine.

I started to whimper. This is all my fault. This is all my fucking fault. If Matt was driving this wouldn't have happened. Why was I speeding? Why was I drunk? I almost killed my best friend. I almost killed somebody. What have I done? Oh my god I should be shot. I need to see him. I have to see him.

A tear leaked down my face when my dad walked in.

"Reagan, can we talk with Taylor now?" He asked. Oh fuck, I'm done, I'm toast.

Reagan nodded and stood up. She took one last apologetic glance at me then left. Her seat was replaced with my father and Vanessa.

"Taylor, what the hell were you thinking?" His asked. "Why did you get into the car like that? you almost killed your best friend. Do you know how many fines you got? Speeding, DWI, underage drinking..." I wasn't really paying attention to him. My mind kept on replaying that awful scream I heard when I was in the ambulance. "...not to mention you totaled the car." I let out a sob and held my head with my good hand. My father froze, like he'd never seen anyone cry before.

"Ohh, Taylor." My father leaned in and hugged me. I cried into his shoulder, and for the first time, he felt more like a dad now than he had in the past 3 years.

"It's ok bud, we'll get through it." He rubbed my back, but it wasn't me I was worried about. "I guess what we have to worry about now is making the house wheelchair friendly." My dad joked, Vanessa laughed, of course, but I didn't find it funny at all.

"Con I see Maaa?" I asked, looking into my dads eyes, translation "can I see Matt?"

My dad shook his head. "No, he can't have any visitors yet."

Tears came to my eyes again because I knew this was all my fault and now it was to late to fix.

"So, I think we will be leaving and going out to see your grandmother, when the hospital lets you out." He said.

"Whaaa? Whyyy?" I whined.

"Because she will help take care of you for as long as you are in this condition."

My grandmother lived in Ohio. Ohio was far away from Matt, and where Matt was, is where I needed to be.

I groaned and threw my head back. My dad reached out and patted my head.

I just want to talk to Matt. To tell him that I am sorry. I just wanted to see him, to tell him everything was ok. The one thing in the world that I really wanted, was going to slip through my fingers. Why is this happening to me?

"I'm sorry, but it's what's best for you." My dad said, but at the moment, I hatted my dad. Why is he doing this to me?