The next day, I was planning on just staying inside my hotel room to rest because yesterday was really tiring for me. I almost crawl into my bed last night dahil I waited for 1 hour bago ako nakasakay ng cab. Hindi na nga ako nakapagtanggal ng sapatos dahil pagkahiga ko ay bumagsak na rin iyong mga mata ko.
It's already 11 am when I woke up. Kung hindi pa ako nakaramdam ng gutom ay wala pa akong balak bumangon dahil sobrang sakit ng katawan ko. I don't know if I'm just really tired or if this pain is a symptom of my disease. Hindi ko alam kung anong sakit ang meron ako, hindi na rin naman ako magagamot sabi ng mga doktor. Chemotherapy won't do, alam kong mas lalo lang akong manghihina kapag nagpachemo ako. Basta when my body starts to become weak, yun na yung simula, hanggang sa hindi na kayanin ng katawan ko. Hanggang sa mawalan na ko ng buhay.
I'm never really scared of dying. What scares me the most is telling them my condition. Alam ko, gagawin nila ang lahat para ipagamot ako kapag nalaman nila yung sakit ko. I'd rather give my money to a charity kesa gamitin sa pagpapagamot sakin. I'm thankful enough for what I have done with my life, though the thought of not getting married and experience love-making is making me sad. Hindi ko alam, hindi naman required magpakasal. Okay lang rin naman makipag-sex nang hindi pa kasal but that isn't me I don't support pre-marital sex. Kaya nga ang swerte ko kay Colby, he's always willing to wait when it comes to me. Never niya akong inaya despite the fact that we were both in our mid-twenties. He always respected my beliefs and I love him for that.
Bigla kong namiss si Colby. I miss my home, gusto ko sana ipareschedule iyong flight ko pero ayokong magmukhang uwing-uwi na dahil baka magtaka sila. I will just try to enjoy my few days left in here.
I took a half-bath bago ako lumabas para mag-brunch. Pagkalabas ko ng room, nadatnan kong nakikipag-usap iyong si Mr. stranger sa isang staff sa tapat ng room niya. Hindi ko alam, pero bigla nanaman akong nakaramdam ng guilt because of what happened last night. Sobra akong naging harsh dahil sa mga nasabi ko and I think I owe him one nung iabot niya sa akin iyong paperbag na naihulog ko and maybe for treating me a dinner. Ayaw na ayaw ko kasi nagkakaroon ng utang na loob sa kung sino man. Kinakain ako ng konsenya ko!
"What?! So you're telling me you aren't still done renovating my room? Do you know where I slept last night?!" Sarcastic niyang tanong sa staff.
Hindi na makaimik iyong staff dahil sa mga sinasabi nitong lalaking ito. I know I shouldn't get myself involve again with this guy but, I pitied the staff, mukhang baguhan at napagutusan lang na mag-inform. Etong lalaking to din naman iyong may kasalanan eh kung bakit may sira iyong kwarto niya.
"What?" Masungit na bungad niya sakin. Napakurap ako dahil hindi ko namalayang dinala na pala ako ng mga paa ko sa kinaroroonan nila. Gosh! This is really really bad.
"Wala," mahina kong sabi at tumalikod na.
"Call your manager, you're making me want to fire you," nang marinig ko iyong sinabi niya ay kaagad akong umikot at lumakad pabalik sa pwesto nila.
- - -
"Ano?!" Nag-tinginan iyong ilang tao sakin na nasa loob ng burger shop dahil medyo napalakas iyong boses ko.
"I'm telling the truth, kung gusto mo tanung—"
"No way. You've got to be kidding me," Sabi ko habang nakatingin sa kawalan.
Looking at him and imagining the things he did. He kinda look like an average Filipino immigrant who did nothing but to fuck some girls here in NY.
Kaya pala tinatawanan lang ako nung staff nung isang araw na may ginagawang kababalaghan itong lalaking to. She knew him. He owned that one unit. No, he owned that Hotel.
I was too busy thinking how absurd what he has told me to realize that Colby's calling me. When I picked up my phone, his name on my phone screen disappeared. He hates it when I don't pick up his call until the fifth ring. Nakalimutan ko na ring magpaliwanag dahil sa nangyari kagabi. I think this isn't a good timing to tell him everything. Not yet. Alam kong pagod siya and it's 12 mn in the Philippines. I decided to just sent him a message.
To:Colby
Hey baby, I'm sorry I wasn't able to answer your call. I was just strolling the city, I'll call you later okay? Just rest for tonight. Love you!
Hindi naman ako nagsisinungaling hindi ba? It's not that I'm cheating on him. I'll tell him later. I sighed.
"Could you please finish eating first? You're were taking so long with that little burger of yours," Sabi niya habang nagpupunas ng tissue sa may bibig niya. He already finished eating while I still haven't finish half of my burger.
Itinuloy ko nalang iyong pag-kain ko.
"I'll pay for it," dali dali kong kinuha iyong wallet ko sa loob ng bag ko.
Itinigil niya iyong paglalaro sa cellphone niya at tumingin sakin.
"I never let someone I ate with, pay for the food. Let me," Sabi niya at kinuha niya iyong pera niya na nakalastiko sa bulsa ng ripped jeans niya.
I looked at him. Thinking about what he told me earlier. He doesn't look like he's lying, but he seriously doesn't look like he owned a hotel.
Before I knew it, he already handed the payment to the waiter. Gosh, he doesn't wanna let me be free of this guilt.
- - -
"J-just stay in my room for tonight. She did nothing wrong," Oh my god Sydney what was that?
Sinenyasan niya iyong staff na umalis na. Nung makalagpas na sa amin iyong staff, tininginan niya ako ng nakakaloko.
Before I knew it, both of our tummies groaned.
