So um, I'm having one of those nights where I'm thinking too much, and now I can't sleep
It kinda starts with this song called Aeroplanes By The Brobecks
The song is
"Aeroplanes in the sky
Bring you back to me.
You will learn by and by
That you were meant for me.
You have changed,
So have I,
It's not hard to see.
But I swear,
That I won't lie.
That must mean something.
55 days have passed
Since I last saw your face.
And how long will this last?
How much more will it take for you to see?
I need you here.
Aeroplanes in the sky
Bring her back to me.
LAX to your home,
Something went very wrong,
And I heard the pilot screaming,
And then your girl hold me close
Told me that she loves you most.
Aeroplanes in the sky
Bring her back to me.
Aeroplanes in the sky
Bring her back to me."
It's a truly genius and amazing song, not a lot of people care or look at a songs deeply, when you put the words and sound together so close. I'm not saying I'm special but when I look at a song I like to listen to ALL of what it offers, lyrics, sound, the meaning. Doesn't sound like a lot but to me it is
Anyway, there are words in this song that really get to me, they are:
"You will learn by and by
That you were meant for me."
"You have changed,
So have I,
It's not hard to see.
But I swear,
That I won't lie.
That must mean something."
"55 days have passed
Since I last saw your face.
And how long will this last?
How much more will it take for you to see?
I need you here."
"Something went very wrong,
And I heard the pilot screaming"
Plus a little piece before the end where Dallon isn't singing but kinda making just a noise with his mouth to give it the spice, but that piece is sad (also I obviously am not an expert at music I'm just saying how I feel)
This song makes me sad because of something that not healing right, it hurts the more and more I pick at it...it's like a scab, it's healing put I pick and it bleeds again and it hurts so bad, and it bleeds.
The wound being my break up with a previous long time ex, I've never talked about it publicly, and I know I shouldn't but it helps to vent and no one else really cares...
So in my dramatic fashion I'll explain the lines that hurt me threw my previous relationship
"You will learn by an by
That you were meant for me."
When we were together, I liked to believe we were soulmates, we belonged together so well, seeing it now I was naive and stupid, but I couldn't blame myself because I really loved them then. We had made plans to meet when they turned 18 and she'd meet my friends and family, and it's would be amazing, now leading to the next line...
"You have changed,
So have I,
It's not hard to see.
But I swear,
That I won't lie.
That must mean something."
Between the year we were together, and I mean roughly a week or two after our 1 year anniversary we broke up (or- it's hard to explain, I get to that later) we were the same, up until our first break up, that was seriously, I wanted her to take me back so bad, but they just listed a bunch of reasons or things about me that they hated, or that I hurt them with, I felt like a big piece of shit but at the same time, they could have stopped it, if they had just told me "hey joshua, I don't like that idea, can we stop that now?" Or "I'm sorry but no Josh you are mine and nobody else's, I don't like that idea so can we not." But it never went down that way
Long story short. After all the complains I told her I'd change for good, everything was worse, I was scared of them, or more so, scared of if I'd upset them or something and they'd leave me. They said theh never got mad but they lied cause I pissed the. off a lot...
I wasn't happy, and they weren't happy, plus our plans from early on that I dreamed of for months...was nothing but lies because they didn't want to do that, they wanted to go to collage instead (which I don't mind but it hurt me how quick they went from wanting us to meet to changing it to collage plans) it hurt me so much
And to now, up to date, they were afraid to come out to their parents when we together, recently they had and I suppose it went well, they grew balls and told me that they didn't want me anymore too, after I pleaded for them back. I'm proud but it still stung, so much so that I had one of the worst mental break downs of my life, my dad was very scared.
"55 days have passed
Since I last saw your face.
And how long will this last?
How much more will it take for you to see?
I need you here."
So before our relationship reached our year milestone, like literally, it was like, the next day.
I was looking for new songs, anything, I found this song, I'd heard it before but wasn't interested, I thought the song sucked and was boring but after reviewing it again I downloaded it and listen to it, and I genuinely loved it.
As the next few days went on, I became a shell, I felt empty, hallow, depressed, I cried every night, and it was because I realized that I couldn't feel happy with the piece that made me happy, them. So the night they came back I cried to them how much I loved them and missed them
That night changed my life, and for the worst, because now when I hear this song that all I think about and it hurts so so much.
"Something went very wrong,
And I heard the pilot screaming"
What went wrong? I was poly, and they didn't like that I was, it hurt the., but like I said they were there when it started, they could have said no..but they didn't...a girl (that's has the longest back story) told me that she wanted it to be just me and her and I decided, "what the hell, I'll take that chance"..
I made a stupid choice that day, I regret that day more then any day of my life, except maybe the day I decided I'd ask out my now ex...if I known how much pain I'm in now I would have never done it.
It's my fault why this started, but I'm just a stupid kid, what do I know?!
I was watching walking dead season 4 game today, and I enjoyed it until I started to think about me and them watching the show together like we had planned one day and then it became a nightmare for me
I can't move on, I'm stuck...
I have a girlfriend now, and I love her, but it just sucks cause now she has to be the one I don't cry over, the one I have to move on to, to feel happy...
She'll leave me too, everyone will, everyone who has promised me they won't leave, they left, ages ago, and now I'm stuck and I can't get help because I'm stuck in a cage in my head where all I see is photos and videos of memories that I wanna just burn.
Every time I come accross and old message or photo I just wanna fucking die, it's never gone...it's never gonna be over, the feeling will never go away...
