This is what you get when you overthink

One sided Love story

You start at a place where you don't think that you're going to make friends, but then you do. But just because you have friends doesn't mean you look forward to going to that place everyday, yet there is always one person who does. You know that you shouldn't be feeling this way since you just met. But she gives you a feeling that you haven't felt in a long time, or maybe even ever. You know that she doesn't feel the same. Why set yourself up for heartbreak and hurt and failure? Why have feelings at all when people only let you down. It's just you can't get enough of her. The way she wrinkles and twitches her nose when she's confused, or how her eyes are as blue as the ocean, but light up like the sun when she gets something. How perfect her laugh sounds when she hears or sees something funny. But it all comes crashing down when you see her sad and it only makes your heart break or when you know that when the time comes you might never see her again.

But why feel this way when you only just met her? Why try and hurt yourself more? Why even bother when you know deep down that she only sees you as nothing more than a friend, but you just can't admit it. Why do this to yourself? You both know that she's a good person at heart and that when she has a belief she stands by it, or how you apologize until she tells you to stop because you even doubted her. But now your not doubting her you are only stating what you can see. And what you can see is your own eyes losing their light because you can't have her, your own soul becoming darker because you can't have her to light it for you. Your heart breaking into pieces because she will never be there for you other than as a friend. But that's enough for you because at least she is still there. You think to yourself, 'maybe I don't really like her maybe I am just intrigued by her', but you know deep inside that's not true.

You can't call what you have love because that's not what it is and you know that if it was you would run away as fast as humanly possible. Get as far away as you can. Why? Because you scared of what might happen if everything was true. You're scared to death of a heartbreak that you just might not recover from. But you know that what you have isn't just infatuation or a silly little crush, because if it was you wouldn't be feeling this way. You don't want to get to close because your afraid that one day she can end up like your mom and dad or just about anyone that was important to you and leave you. But you don't want that because that would mean losing her forever... You can't say you like her because it is way more than that. So what do I call this If it is just below the lines of love, is way more than infatuation, and is not even close to like or even being a crush?

You think that they call it a crush because of everything you will lose once you know the truth? Hell maybe even if they really knew what was going on inside of your brain maybe they they would run away. Maybe that's what you want for them to run away so you don't have to surround  yourself with self loathing because they could never be yours. She is the Galaxy maybe even further. While you're the sun and can't be seen or compared to how beautiful it is. She is the light while your the dark.

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Finding someone who you can relate to is hard. Hell, finding someone who enjoys some of the same things as you is very complicated, but you want a polar opposite. Someone who doesn't seem to get you. Someone who appreciates different things. You didn't find the polar opposite like you've wished, instead, you've found someone who is exactly like you. Someone who might save you and that scares the hell out of you, more than you thought.  Hell, it sure would scare me.

See, I don't think that you understand the severity of your situation. You are falling hard and fast and that's not good for anyone. What happens when you want to join reality? What happens when you can no longer hold your sanity?

Be completely and utterly honest with yourself, Maybe you go to different schools and you last. You're one in the same, but you live in two completely different worlds. You will always be chasing after her, but if you think about it that just means she will always be running away from you. Then again maybe you enjoy the chase, but how far are you willing to go?

You can't let her know who you or what you really are, or you will just drive her away. Beware because no matter how hard you try you will get too attached and it will be too late, so do not by any means try and get to close. Because you will get fall endlessly with no-one to catch you.

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It's finally happened you have finally joined reality. She's left and you are left alone all over again. How do you feel about that? Not good huh? I would assume so. I said don't fall too hard too fast she could just let you face plant. She didn't catch you, she wasn't you light in the dark. "Just let it be," I said. "Don't let her see how weak you are, because she won't be there to help you be stronger," I said. Why didn't you listen? You let her have your heart, body, and soul, and she crushed it all. She left you empty.

You tell yourself you're going to get over it, but is that really true? You're back to not trusting a singe soul. You're back to not letting anyone in, you have returned to an endless cycle of lonliness. So ask yourself are you really going to get over it? Because from what I can see You don't look to ready to give up. I can tell you that you should.

She will never talk to you like you talked to her. She will never see you like you saw her. Worst of all she will NEVER love you like you loved her. So get over it and help yourself out the bottomless pit of disater that you put yourself in.

Please save me...