This is what you get when you overthink

feelings, all caught up in my feelings

Feb. 7, 2019

    You did it again. You got attached. You promised it wouldn't happen again. You told yourself that you wouldn't let anyone get in the way of your self-confidence. You know how you feel, you know you're only getting thirty minutes of sleep every night. So why hurt yourself every day trying to impress the people that don't give a shit? Why let everyone else control your life? See here's what always has everyone so confused, they want people to like them, simple right? Everyone has this complex to want to be liked, but why when it comes to what they want they always try to avoid it. I will tell you why.

    They do it because they are afraid. The minute they get the attention that they lack, the minute they get the life they want, the minute that it is showed that you can have the world, you get scared. It's normal sure but do we really all want to live this way? Do we really want to be afraid of every second because of what might happen? You tell the world to go after what they want, but you know that you are slowly dying inside. You want to get on that boat, or plane, or house, or wherever it is you are isolated and you want to run. You know what you tell the world, but you also know what you feel on your own.

    You know that you're afraid of getting hurt again, you know that you're afraid that what everyone says is true that the world is actually as it seems, that people are actually as evil. You have never experienced the real world only glimpse, you want to see more, but you're scared of what everyone will think of you. You are so dependent on other people that it shows how pathetic you are. You know you're worthless and a mass that takes up space, that you are a tumor taking up everyone's life and sucking it dry, but you don't want to tell anyone in fears that you might be despised, or that you are actually as ugly as you tell yourself every day.

    You're so scared that everyone will see the same insecurities as you do, that they will see how fat your thighs are, or they will see how weird your hair looks, or how your back is covered in nasty ass scars you wish you could get rid of, or how you were actually broken and abandoned by the ones who are supposed to love you unconditionally, or how your nose is so big you have to hide it in your jacket. You're scared they will see how uncomfortable you are in your own skin that they will leave you.

    You tell everyone else to be strong, how you lived every day. But only you know that on the inside you are drowning and don't see a way out.