𝙡𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚. 𝘫𝘰𝘩𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯 [✅]

✒SO FAR AWAY

a/n
we are getting somewhere
ur welcome

disclaimer/trigger warning
suicidal thoughts
-

Ten sat on his couch with a blanket wrapped around his body while staring soullesly at Spongebob being stupid for thirty minutes straight. His eyes were red and puffy, his chest felt tight and his throat hurt.

He thought he was being stupid, he was really crying over someone who he had one date with. Why did Johnny affect him so much?

Sure, he felt miserable even before shit went down, he's felt miserable for years. It wasn't anything new, then why did the things that Johnny said hurt more than everything else? Ten really was thinking of how worthless he really was.

Yuta cheated on him because he wasn't good enough.

Ten helped Taeyong in breaking Mark's heart because he didn't feel like he deserved anything better.

Yet, why did Ten want Johnny to love him with all of his heart and more? Why did he want the taller one to protect him from all of the harm in this world, why did Ten want Johnny to forgive him? Youngho didn't even have the actual right to be butthurt over anything. He didn't even have feelings for Ten, did he?

Ten started sobbing as tears rolled down his cheeks again and Spongebob's figure became blurry in front of him. He curled up even more if that was possible and hid his face into the blanket while shaking violently.

He was alone, really.

No one cared after all.

But how could he expect anyone to truly love him if he didn't even love himself? What was even there to love about him? He was a horrible person after all.

Maybe feeling like this for the past three years was just his karma finally biting him in the ass. And he deserved it, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt.
He felt heartbreakingly alone.

Where was everyone?

He wiped aways his tears weakly as he sat up on the couch, unwrapping himself from the blanket as he stood up to go to the kitchen. Maybe a tea would help.
While waiting for the water to boil he glanced at the knives put neatly into the knife-holders he owned and he felt chills run down his spine.

What if..?

He shook his head and finally made his tea before going back to his spot on the couch. He blinked at the dumb animated movie that was playing on the screen of his TV occasionally sipping on the warm liquid. He jerked a bit when the doorbell suddenly rang.

Who could it be?

He put down his mug and wrapped the blanket around himself before going to the front door to open it, not caring about the fact that his hair was sticking to all the places it shouldn't. He opened the front door but he almost immediately snapped it back shut when he saw who was standing there.

However, the man slipped into the flat before he could do that.

"That's fucking breaking and entering. Get the fuck out," he said, his voice hoarse from not using it for the past one week.

Johnny bit his lip while taking in Ten's (not so beautiful) sight. The shorter male was skinnier than last time with red, puffy eyes and heavy eyebags under the said eyes. Johnny felt terrible for him, even more so knowing that he was a big factor in causing this. How could he break such an angel?

"You opened the door, so it's technically only entering which last time I checked wasn't a crime," he sighed sadly.

"Well then check again," Ten grumbled."What do you want, Johnny?"

"To apologize."

Ten's jaw dropped a bit but he quickly closed his mouth.

"To what?-"

"Seriously. I'm feeling like literal shit because of what I've done. You were right the whole time, I didn't have the right to be such a bitch about anything that you did. It's your's and Taeyong's business. It's just..." he took a deep breath and his own  before continuing his monologue."I like you a lot, okay? And I don't like the fact that you did such a thing because I'm afraid that if we'd ever get together you would do it. And I don't want to feel like that but I can't help it," he muttered.

"You know I would never do something like that to someone I love, right?" Ten asked quietly, his heart beating fastly in his chest.

"Why would you do that to anyone?" Johnny hung his head down. They needed to talk this through honestly, even if both of them became a little bit more heartbroken than before. They could heal.

"Because I don't have any relationship with him whatsoever. It's not my concern what he feels. I just felt like I didn't deserve anything better than hooking up with someone who's had a boyfriend for two years. It made me feel a bit less worthless, because wow, someone actually liked my body better than their lover's," Ten said, choking on his words and Johnny finally looked him in the eyes again.

"Oh, baby..." his eyes softened. He pulled Ten close to him in a tight hug, burrying his face in the shorter's neck. "I'm so sorry for acting like this. I'm so, so, so sorry. I didn't know you felt like this."

Ten circled his arms around Johnny's waist after a few moments of hesitation.

"It will be okay with time."