War Of The Damned - (Daryl & Beth) - The Walking Dead

15. What's Done Is Done

15. WHAT'S DONE IS DONE

| BETH |

Dear Diary, I know I probably don't do this as much as I should but who really has the time to do anything these days? Last night I thought I'd dreamed of something terrible happening. Something like Lizzie killed Mika and Luke. Only to wake up and realize it wasn't a dream at all. The stupid girl did kill them both. And then I... Me and Maggie... We had to kill her as well. We had to do it to protect Judith and Molly. I wonder what Daddy would think of me now? Was he watching over us shaking his head in disappointment and disgust? Or did he understand, we had to do what we had to do? It wasn't Maggie who'd pulled the trigger but I know she feels the pain of takin Lizzie's life as much as I do. I heard her whispering to Glenn about it last night after we'd buried all three of them just a few meters from the house.. And what did I do? I kissed Daryl freakin' Dixon. I don't regret it. Of course I don't. What's done is done. There's no turning back from it. Not anymore.

"Beth?" I looked up from small journal to see Maggie peering her head through the doorframe, her expression soft. "Are you ready? We have to go."

I nod, and gathering my belongings into a school-sized backpack I walk out of the house behind her, hoping to leave behind all the bad memories of the past couple of days. Waiting outside with every ounce of supplies we could carry was Glenn, Tyreese, Molly, Judith...and Daryl Dixon.

Ever since our heated make-out session last night I think he's been avoiding me. The kiss was perfect, it wasn't my first but it made every other kiss I've ever had seem insignificant in comparison to how his lips felt against mine. Even thinking about it now, as I look at him, I can feel myself getting all giddy inside. I can only imagine what might've happened had he not controlled himself.

True I'd told him I didn't want to have sex yet, but that doesn't mean I would have been able to say no if he pushed for it. I was so caught up in the sensations of being in his arms and feeling his body so intimately locked with mine that when he made me feel his huge...penis, my heart had started beating much faster than it ever had. Ever. And then I nearly told him I loved him. Hell. Thank god I stopped myself because that would've been embarrassing.

I don't really love him.

Do I?

No. Surely not.

But now I don't know where I stand with him, or where we're meant to go from here. Everything is just so damn confusing, and it's all my fault.

As I get to where Daryl is, he does the most unexpected thing.. He grabs my hand, engulfing it in his much larger, much hotter one without even looking at me once. He pulls me along, past the graves and back out into the forest. Beside me Maggie smirks. "Oh stop it." I mouth to her. She doesn't, she keeps smirking. I roll my eyes, accepting that this just another redneck thing that cannot possibly be explained, and in a comfortable silence Daryl and I walk hand-in-hand away from the house with all the horrible memories, toward the train tracks.

Needless to say we are heading to terminus - or whatever's left of it. If it ever existed. If I am to be honest I don't know what to believe anymore. I want to cling desperately to the hope that there are still good people in the world. But how can I believe that after Lizzie? Especially not after what I, myself, done. Necessary or not, how are we supposed to trust strangers? Just thinking about meeting other people seems hard...even impossible.

We get to the tracks just as the sun becomes bright and hot. The air is still icily cold though so I assume it's still very early, maybe about eight in the morning. That's good, that means we still have at most twelve hours to get to terminues, and if not we can hopefully find some place safe to stay overnight.