[ taehyung wishes he was someone else. ]
↳ taegi.
↳ angst.
park jimin; min yoongi's boyfriend. the two haven't been going out for long, about four months or so. taehyung remembers the day yoongi announced the new relationship on lunch up on the rooftop. taehyung also remembers congratulating them happily then looking at the sky, wanting to jump off.
he's been in love with min yoongi for over a year, but not wanting to destroy their friendship, he kept quiet. he also knew he wasn't yoongi's type. he was taller then him, but also a baby boy. taehyung liked fluffy things and cute pastel clothes and accessories, something yoongi didn't like being around. sure the two were best friends, but yoongi wanted someone.. mature looking. and shorter, obviously. taehyung soon began to hate himself, feeling like he will never be able to please the person he truly loves.
"is this good?" jin asked, stepping away from taehyung. the said boy looked into the mirror and smiled brightly at the burning red hair. he actually liked the color and how it turned out and nodded.
"it's perfect! thank you hyung!"
"tell me why you wanted red hair again?" taehyung pursed his lips.
to make yoongi look at me.
"just wanted a change," he giggled, hiding the frown with a boxy smile. thank god he was a good actor so someone as observant as jin wouldn't notice anything. jin chuckled and ruffled the newly dyed and dried hair. the glowing hair completely contrasted from his skin.
taehyung watched as jin walked out of the younger's house and looked into his mirror, finding nothing but a attention seeker. he seethed to himself and turned away after spitting at his reflection.
"fucking disgusting.." he muttered, going to his full body mirror. black duck tape covered the top part, blinding himself from seeing his face and he couldn't help but smile. his fingers grazed over the tape as he looked at his body, a blank stare on his face. he will admit, he had good thighs, but they weren't as good as jimin's. nor was his ass. jimin's whole body was superior to his.
taehyung's stomach grumbled and he winced, forgetting that he hasn't eaten in awhile. he thought about what he was going to eat before thoughts started to swirl.
'what would yoongi think if he saw how fat you would get if you ate? he wouldn't like that. no wonder he picked jimin over you.' the voice sneered, making taehyung nod.
he ended up skipping lunch and dinner that day.
-
taehyung walked into school, his red hair glowing under the sun's glare and the ripped skinny jeans gripping around his thighs tightly. taehyung, at this point, didn't care what the school thought about the boy's wardrobe change. he only cared about what yoongi thinks.
he heard the hushed whispers coming from the students and closed his eyes, a sneer forming on his lips. so what if he changed up his clothes? dyed his hair? it wasn't any of their business so why the fuck do they even care?
lunch rolled by slowly and when taehyung got up to the rooftop, he already saw everyone sitting there. his eyes trailed across the arm that rested on jimin's waist and felt jealousy bubbling.
"whoa, taehyung! your hair - and your clothes - what the fuck is happening?" jeongguk yelled, making taehyung laugh. jeongguk was always sucha drama queen.
"eh, i was getting tired of the pastel stuff so i thought i needed a change." he informed, sitting next to jeongguk. the boy smiled at taehyung and ruffled his hair.
"it looks nice, although i'm gonna miss the baby boy look."
"i'll always be a baby boy at heart so it's okay," he giggled, feeling yoongi's eyes on him. he inwardly smirked, thinking yoongi found him hot. but when they met eyes, all taehyung could detect was confusion and... is that disgust? taehyung shivered under the gaze and looked away, fighting the urge to break down right then and there.
no one knows about his crush on yoongi, and he planned to keep it that way.
-
taehyung has never wanted food this much before until now but he forced himself to swallow down the desperate need for it and continued walking. he trailed behind the group, never noticing how yoongi stared at him intensely. all he could think about was the slight disgust he showed at taehyung's new appearance and tried to rethink this over. maybe this wasn't a good idea. maybe he should stay the same and find someone new.
but no one is going to love him like yoongi does.
but what if someone does?
"no one will.." he spoke without noticing. he caught yoongi and jimin's attention and they turned around to stare at him.
"will what, taehyung?" jimin asked, shocking the younger. taehyung laughed it off and kept his eyes trained on the ground.
"nothing, sorry. i was just blabbing about something stupid." he said, brushing it off. he watched closely as yoongi brought jimin closer to him, peppering his face with kisses until kissing him on the lips. taehyung saw how much love glowed in yoongi's eyes and felt himself slowly crumble beneath the gaze that wasn't even towards him.
he wishes he was someone else. someone who had never met yoongi. someone who didn't fall in love with yoongi. someone who wasn't breaking this much just because of gazes. but he mostly wishes that he was jimin.
but.. he never will be.
-
the 'act' had gone on for too long now. jimin and yoongi had celebrated their one year anniversary a couple of months ago and taehyung had given up. no more hope was left for him as he choked on a sob, looking at the mirror. he saw how skinny he had become and how.. unhealthy he looked. he hated this. why did it turn out like this? why couldn't he just let go?
taehyung continued to stare at his reflection in disgust, tears streaming down his red cheeks.
it was calm and quiet, until taehyung screamed.
he screamed and screamed until his lungs couldn't handle it. until it felt like his throat was being ripped open. he stopped screaming, though, when his fist collided with the mirror, forever blinding him from his reflection and showed his haunting flaws. he let out a loud sob, going for the other mirror. the fist that already had broken glass in it ended up getting more in it and taehyung didn't stop until all the mirrors in his house was broken.
he hated this.
he hated himself. he's so selfish, thinking he could steal jimin's boyfriend away. thinking he could win him over just by changing himself.
he finally let the ropes that tied around his neck slowly disappeared but he can still feel one secured. it wasn't tight, but he knew it was going to tighten any minute and he breathed in. taehyung exhaled and walked away, wrapping his bloody hand before going to his closet. he ripped out every clothing that reminded him of looking like jimin and smiled slightly at the pastel clothing.
he didn't care if yoongi doesn't want to be with him.
yes i do.
he doesn't care if he can't be with the one he loves the most.
yes i do.
he doesn't care if jimin is better then him.
yes i do.
he doesn't care if he's broken.
yes i do.
but he'll never admit that.
-
i dont.. really know where i was going with this? at first i was going to make it to where taehyung tried to be like jimin and act like him, but that seemed to far fetched but so does this.
i started this book off with three fluffy one shots because i was planning on throwing you off with angst.
sorry haha.
update; right as I was about to publish this my mom called for me and my brother and yelled at us and I'm currently in the bathroom crying.
