[ taehyung can still feel the hands on him. ]
vent/personal. [no ship]
this deals with serious topics, so please be cautious when reading.
-
for five years now it's all taehyung can think about. the hands that touched his body, the scorching hot feeling. the kisses pressed against his tears to dry them away, the rough hands still moving. everything felt so wrong. he didn't like this. no one should like this.
shoved into the attic closet and feeling nothing but hands, seeing nothing but a silhouette twice his size in the darkness. he just wants to go out and hang out with his friends, but he is here. why is he here? what made this happen? what caused this to happen? was this taehyung's fault? he thought they were just playing a game but this ended up happening. is this also a game? why does taehyung feel so scared? why does he keep crying?
why does he want it to stop if this is a game?
taehyung let out another cry and felt more kisses on his cheeks. those same hands still gliding around his body, groping him, going everywhere they could touch.
this isn't someone he knows - what happened to the guy that he was with earlier? to the person, he thought he could trust.
"please stop- we need to go find the others-"
"ẗ̸̨̖̙̺͓̙̳͎̤̪̤̹̰́͜ḩ̸̮͚̹̮͓͔̫͓͚̃͑̀̄̎̓͛͝ê̸̳̪̰̳͕͉̳̱̑̇̋͑͌͆̒̏̓̀̕͝͝͝y̷̛̮̜̹̹̽̃̑̌̅̓̾̽̈́̊̎̀̚͠ ̴̧̧̱͓̩͍͖̝̠̳̱̞̓͋̐̍c̴̤̫̻͖̲̙̮̩̰̣̑̌͛͛ą̷͉̘͎̰̭̱̫͔͈͆͑̋͑̒͑̐̎̊̐͒̎͐͘͠n̴͉̰̯̫͇̪͖͍̉̅ͅ ̶͉̝͖̰̭̒͋͋͗͆͛̃̌̉w̷̛̯͇͊̊̂͋̈́̃́͋̔͋͆̒̒͘a̴̢̳͇̼̔̇í̸̢̧̞͎̝̥̦͈̮͙̯̙͎̰̏͋̾̿̐̚t̶̨͓̬̫͈̦̭̂͂̃̑̍̈́̇͘͝͠͠ ̴̧̡̢̱͇͓͇͕̈́͛̏̃̅͗̏͐͝a̵̟̯̤͓̎̆̊̈́̍̈́͒͘̚͜ ̷̨̨̫̬̩̤̼̞̙̭͙̣̠̯͚̄̅̉̚l̷̛̦̄͊͋́̾͑́i̵̡̺̲̤͉͇̞̒͌̍̈́͐̃͋̎̓̂̏̎̕t̷̜͖̤͈̖̥̩̥̩͚̠̠̠̞̅͐͜t̸̡̫͔͙̤̳̪͙̱̥͂̌͐̉̀̈́̿͐͊̒̕̚͝l̴̙͕̦̳̟̦̦̣͈̼̳̈͒͋́̔̎͊̑̌̈́̈́ȩ̶̛͔̰̱̼͕̤̦̐̓̽͌̈́̀͑̆̅͗̈́͝͝ ̷̺̳̒̽͜ͅĺ̶̨̨͚̬͇͉̝͈̮̱͔̪̙̎̓̉̀̈́̄͠o̶̧̨̼̭̤͕͚͙͌͋͛͌̕ņ̵̭̹̭̗̰̲̮͍̭̊̾̔́̑͑͊̈́̄̉͌̏̚͜ģ̴̤̙͖̫̚ê̸̝̘̞͉̩͖͉̙͓͎͚̟̗͌͑̍͆̽̾̄ŕ̷̢͕̩̩͎͍̗̥͎̝͉̉̽͂̅͑̉̓͑͗͌̕͜͠" that sickening voice said. taehyung doesn't remember how his voice sounds like anymore. all he remembers are the hands and the gross kisses he felt.
taehyung felt a hand slide down his pants, and taehyung finally felt the bones in his body move. his hands reached out and shoved him away, and all taehyung could do was wipe his tears away.
"i'm done counting, let's go find the others."
-
for five years, taehyung pushed down that incident deeper and deeper into his brain until he completely forgot it. the nightmares lessened and lessened, and completely went away when the man finally left his life. taehyung almost completely forgot about it until a topic was brought up between him and his friend, and the nightmares surfaced again. all taehyung could do was bite his lip and keep the conversation going, throwing aside the need to vomit.
he tried so hard to forget about him, that man, what he did. and it worked, but only for a bit. the nightmares came back, and taehyung pulled so many all-nighters afterwards. he never felt right. he felt gross in this body.
taehyung finally got the courage to tell a small group of people what happened, his closest friends. the one he felt he had a home with.
they still loved him and taehyung loves them to death. he couldn't ask for better people to have.
but that doesn't wipe away what happened to him, and he knows that. he wishes it would all go away, that nothing happened. that he never met the man, that he never trusted him.
taehyung used to wonder why he was even alive.
he hated himself, he hated his body. he hated everyone around him and wanted nothing to do more then to just leave.
he hasn't seen that man in years, but he still thinks about him. about what he has done.
but taehyung knows he needs to move on. he is trying to, but it's tricky. pushing the incident away doesn't help, and he can't stand thinking about it. but he has to try.
he has so many great friends around him, and he knows they would be willing to help. he just needs time.
time.
