hello. again.
y'know, for the past few months i've been debating on whether or not i should quit wattpad or keep going.
i've been with wattpad for a long time. five years. i joined back when i was in my five nights at freddy's phase (i miss that phase) and i was OBSESSED with all the books on here. i read so much, and this was around the time i only had an ipod, so i didn't need internet to read! i just had add books to my library and i was good to go, it helped me a lot when on long car rides or when i went to visit family that were out in the middle of nowhere. i loved being on wattpad, and it wasn't until i was getting back into skydoesminecraft that i finally wrote something.
my first two books were skylox, and i loved them with everything i had. i was so so proud of myself. but i got out of that phase, and deleted those books and quickly went to fairy tail!
i wrote several natsuxlucy books! and those were fine, i enjoyed those. they weren't my favorite, but i had fun writing them. especially the one shots i made.
and then i left the fairy tail fandom. now when i was in the fairy tail fandom, i was getting into bts/kpop. my library was FILLED with so many fan fictions of bts, and i was becoming obsessed with them. that's why it was so easy for me to stop writing fairy tail fanfics. when i was no longer interested in fairy tail, i was getting into bts so it was terribly easy for me to leave.
i used wattpad to let out so many of my frustrations. all my vents, all the nightmares, all the drama, all the heartache. i always went to wattpad to write about them. i wrote about them in mostly one shots, but there were one or two stories that surrounded something that was going on in my life. i wrote about problems i had with my family, problems i had with eating and self worth, problems i had with coming to terms with something that had happened to me so long ago (i sadly still have not come to terms with it but i feel as if i'm getting there). i even wrote about when my first love broke my heart, and how i had several people that were so close to me leave my side.
wattpad became a safe space for me, and i soon found myself attached. instead of going to friends or family for problems i only wrote them out and let the people on this app read them. they were obviously played out by different people, i never put myself in there.
i met a lot of great people on here too, and people i met through other places came onto here. i feel as though it was almost like a second home.
that's why it's so hard for me to say goodbye.
i've been thinking about this for months. a year, actually. see, i had a huge burnout. it lasted months, and i just thought, oh, it's just writers block! no. i found myself hating the thought of even writing, and i felt terrible. you guys wanted me to update, and i tried so hard to. i pushed updates out and found myself hating all of them. i despised my writing. but i just wanted you guys to be happy, and a part of me wanted to know at least someone likes my writing. when i took that break in december, it felt like a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders.
it made me feel even worse. did this mean i don't like writing anymore? but i love it! it's how i get all my feelings out, even the difficult ones. it's where i can drown in my creativity, and spend hours working on something i can be so fucking proud of.
and my bts books are what made me feel so important. you guys love them, and so do i. i love those books with my entire heart. i've never been more proud of myself when i finished writing lover boy or liar. and while lover boy and liar do have their flaws (ever piece of writing does), i was so happy to know that people also enjoyed reading them. enjoyed my writing. you guys made me feel so happy, and i was drowning in all the positivity i got from them. it was the first time i felt proud of my writing.
you guys, have done so much for me. you guys listened to my problems without even knowing it! you guys helped me through so much, helped me through so many problems, so many heartbreaks. you all are so supportive, and i feel so lucky to be an army and know that i am in such a kind hearted fanbase. and im sorry i am leaving you guys.
in my months of absence, i realized it wasn't that i didn't like writing anymore, it's that i didn't like writing on wattpad anymore.
i found myself on AO3 a lot, and was actually.. wanting to write stuff on there.
i even ended up writing some one shots to put on there. i remember when i finished the first one, i cried because it felt so good to write something after feeling so shitty for months.
due to me being on wattpad for a long time, i slowly watched it become.. not so good. i ended up realizing that i kept reading books that romanticized possessive and abusive behavior, kidnapping, and even r*pe. wattpad has amazing books, don't get me wrong! truly amazing books. but it is also being built off of gross books like those.
wattpad has just become.. tiring. i can't even stand being on here for more than ten minutes. i no longer want to be apart of this app.
im sorry.
so, what's going to happen now?
nothing much. i will still keep this account up, and i will be keeping these stories up too. i am going to republish all my other books (that will obviously be discontinued), and republish the remaining chapters of lover boy. i will be fixing up the one shot book just a tiny bit, and then i will be leaving.
i will not delete this app, fun fact. im going to keep it because it has some books i want to finish reading. but i will no longer be writing on this place.
also me leaving wattpad doesn't affect the way i feel about bts. i fucking love those men, and i always will.
i love you all so much. im sorry im leaving.
who knows, maybe one day i'll actually end up coming back on. but i don't really know what the future has in store for me.
but i am officially quitting wattpad.
again, thank you all so much for sticking with me.
goodbye! ♡
- logan.
