Drarry: Need for your gaze

Chapter Four: Draco

It broke my heart to say that. To lie to him like that. Honestly, I still enjoyed the mischief I pulled on him, but my heart enjoyed it as well. Too much. That's why I broke our strange relationship off. If you could even call it a relationship.

Inside, I longed for it to be a relationship. Not like the one we had. No, like a real one. A romantic one. Where the constant feeling to give him cuddles and kisses would be normal and acceptable. I guess I always knew I'd fall for him, just not as much as I did.

Somehow, Potter actually got me to care about his feelings, which was horrifically unacceptable since our strange interactions were always on enemy terms. Even if I wished for it to be the opposite. 

Some nights, when I felt extremely bitter and lonesome, I imagined him in the bed with me. On the nights where I cried myself to sleep, I pictured him holding me. It usually made me feel so much better. Although some nights, it made it worse; the feeling would only grow stronger knowing that I could never truly have him.

Seeing his eyes every morning was painful enough. But, hearing his angelic voice every night, seeing his gorgeous smile every day, that was hell.

I stood right where Potter left me after he yelled. Frozen in time.

"So, you wanted to talk?" Jacob interrupted my lonesome thoughts.

"Oh, yes," I cockily smirked, knowing that I had to forget the feelings that begged for Potter. Even if they'd never truly fade. "I noticed you were sorted into Ravenclaw. That your robes would most definitely be blue. So, I wanted to see if blue suited you or not. Now that I've seen them, I can conclude." I scrunched up my nose in disgust. "You look outrageously horrible in blue. You just look like literal garbage."

Hurt entered his eyes. Though, they still didn't sparkle or shine. Only Potter's eyes did that. He looked truly offended. Truly miserable that I spoke to him in such a manner. But, his pain didn't make joy run through my veins. I didn't even care if he got offended.

While he was trying to think of some comeback, a thought tore through my mind. 'Potter would've already thought of something. He would've easily thrown one back like he had been practicing it for his entire life.'

I barely looked into his eyes, trying to find something I fancied over Potter's. But, the deeper I gazed into his eyes, the more disappointed I became. Nothing. There was nothing in his eyes that made my heart race. Not one thing in his that I fancied. To be honest, I didn't even like the color.

Apart of me thought it was just because I didn't fancy the color brown in general. Another knew it was because I adored Potter's green eyes, that I was obsessed with his emerald eyes. Knowing that I'd never like another's eyes since I was still addicted to his. But, I pushed those eyes far away. Far out of sight.

"Oh-oh ye-yeah? Well, um... you uh... don't look good in green! Yeah! Ha!" He desperately stuttered, failing at insulting me. 

If Potter had said that, I would've been a little taken back. Though, he wasn't Potter. He'd never be Potter. So, his comment didn't bother me. However, I had to act like we were rivals, and pretend it affected me.

"Garbage," I fake hissed. "I look amazing in green! I'm sorry you're just jealous that I can actually pull it off, unlike you." 

"No, you can't!" He shouted. 

"Really? Is that what you honestly believe?" I questioned with a sly smirk, knowing that he'd break soon. 

"Okay, if I'm honest," he took a deep breath. "You look great in green. Really, just great in general. And I was wondering-" 

I cut him off in fear of what he'd say next. "-Pretty uh, heterosexual of you. Totally doesn't sound like you're into me or anything. Well, I mean I couldn't blame you really, I'm gorgeous. Now, bye, you disgusting piece of shit." With that said, I stomped off, leaving behind my replacement for Potter.

Loneliness crept into my heart, breaking it. I knew that Jacob could never fill the void in me that he left, which hurt me even more.

But, if I learned anything from my father, it was to break away before you got too attached. The problem being, I should've broken away in the Second Year, though I didn't. Even then, I was craving Potter. Perhaps I should've broken away in First Year. Actually, by the end of it, I had already fallen for him. So, I should've shut him out of my life when he first rejected my friendship. If I did, maybe I wouldn't have fallen.

As the years passed us by, my longing, desire, affection, and admiration for him grew. No matter how much neither of us wanted it too. There was something about his eyes, intelligence, smile, loyalty, and kind nature that lured me in. His stupid eyes.

Everyone in Slytherin knew of my obsession with him. How much I loved him. Potter had stolen my heart without meaning to. A part of me wanted to rip it away from him. Another begged he'd be gentle with it. Knowing the pain of a broken heart. Whether I received it from a past lover or family member, it hurt.

"Draco?" Questioned Pansy. "You okay?"

I hadn't even realized I approached my friends. Must've been instincts. Or, something like that,

"Yeah," I smiled, "I'm fine." They all seemed nervous, anxious. Especially Crabbe and Goyle. "What?" I snapped. Perhaps a hair was out of place? Or, maybe they could see my pain. No, it couldn't be that. They've never been able to see the pain that was secretly plastered on my face.

"Did you say something to Potter?" Crabbe finally spoke.

'I can't go two seconds without being reminded of him. Like my mind wasn't already filled with thoughts of him enough.' I internally complained. "Why?" I was genuinely confused.

"Uh..." Goyle spoke up. "Me and Crabbe saw him storm off. So, we uh followed him.-"

"-Just like how you would've wanted us to." Crabbe cut him off, "and, we saw him, uh..."

"What? What did you see him do?" My concern leaked through my voice, earning some mixed glances from my friends.

"...Cry..." Crabbe whispered.

"Wh-what?" My heartstrings were being grasped by concern and worry.

"Yeah..." Pansy titled her head. "He walked passed us, saying something about being replaced."

"What's going on Malfoy?" Goyle asked worriedly after seeing my expression change.

They all turned to me expecting some explanation. But, there was no way he was upset with me. No, perhaps he was upset with his friends.

"I-I don't know." My eyes traveled to the ground, hiding the heartbreak in my eyes.

"Draco?" Asked Pansy. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine!" I snapped. Storming away from them. None of them were helping, only making things worse.