the brave ones // h.s.

forgiveness - iii

"to love at all is to be vulnerable"

***

Harry fidgets uncomfortably, his eyebrows knitted together in worry. He tugs on the hem of his shirt, seeming to struggle with looking between the floor and Eden.

"What do . . . how do we do this?" he asks quietly.

"I don't know," Eden admits. "I've never had to talk with someone about something like this."

"Eden, I want you to know how truly sorry I am," he says, peering up at her with keen eyes.

"I know you are," she says. "But I just have a few things I want to get off my chest."

"Alright," he assents, and she sighs aloud. An awkward beat passes as Eden wrestles with the flurry of words in her head, completely unsure of where to begin. Harry seems to pick up on her indecision about what to say first.

"Eden," he begins.

"I'm trying to . . . I need to think," she says exasperatedly. "There's so much in my head, I don't even know where to start."

"I know," he says softly, filling in for her when the words won't come. "I know."

"Just . . ." she frets, waving her hands around gently as if she can somehow push the words out. "Just let me say it."

He nods, and within his gaze is a familiar look of patient interest. She's missed that - missed the sense of urgency that comes with speaking to Harry, like he hangs on every word she says.

"When I started my list, I never thought I would actually go through with anything on it. It was therapeutic, yes, but it was just meant to stay in my desk forever. And I was okay with that, I was okay with just having something to dream about.

"And then . . . something changed inside me. I probably won't ever fully understand why but I was able to finally do it, to follow my list and leave behind everything I ever knew, and I was okay with going it alone. I made the choice to leave and I made it for me, and it was exciting and terrifying all the same."

She pauses to steady herself; her hands are beginning to tremble. Harry stands quietly with his eyes on her and waits for her to continue. She can't help but glance over at him, something she instantly regrets when she feels the rising blush on her cheeks.

"And then I met you. I never expected you to be anything more than another item on my list but for reasons I'll never know, we were put in that diner at the same time because we were meant to be on this trip together."

Harry has a small smile on his lips, and one dimple is just starting to peek out from his skin. His expression is wistful, dreamy; as if he's remembering the night they met with fondness.

Eden wrings her hands together and stares at the floor while she paces. Despite knowing she should, she can't bring herself to look him in the eye anymore. "Amenkha may be my friend soulmate but I thought I'd finally met someone who understood the deepest parts of me, parts that I don't even understand. It was wonderful to feel like I had that kind of unconditional devotion to rely on. Whatever I needed, you were willing to be, whether that was a friend or more. I let you in, let you know more about me than anyone had before."

She stops again and her eyes well up as the hurt resurfaces. "I really tried with you, Harry. I tried to be open and let someone in. And then that awful business in New York happened. It broke me."

Harry looks down shamefully and she takes a second to steady herself. "I don't want to talk about it too much but I think it's important that we both understand how devastating that was."