Kalon

#ToAllTheBoysContest

"Write a 500-word open letter to your secret crush, telling them how you feel. Bare your soul and share the love letter that you'd never send."

Hi, it's me...

I hope your life is going great, because it's the first time we've split since we've been friends. Which is almost 5 years now. (Even though I consider it 6 years...)

I hope you're having the time of your life at UC Berkeley. I hope you're missing me as much I miss you. I miss you calling me a bitch and hanging out with me at Starbucks and that time we decided to walk 30 minutes in 100 degree Fahrenheit heat to go to the library from a local boba place. I hope I cross your mind, and I hope you miss the feeling of my hugs outside my classroom and the gifts we exchanged on our birthdays. I hope you feel insane, trying to fend off the thoughts of me, but failing miserably. I hope every love song makes you feel nostalgic and remember the good times. I hope you love your girlfriend as much I loved you.

I wish you would start the conversations once in a while. I feel like I'm the only one who cares when I have to swallow my pride and start something. I don't know how I did it back then, when I just sent random things everyday to make you reply to me. You probably don't care about me. Fuck.

I wanted you to put some effort, because I was scared. I was scared that you will ruin my health in the long run, but there's nothing I could do about it. We weren't even together. You broke my heart and wrecked me, without knowing, without meaning to breaking my heart. You didn't do anything, which did something to me. 

I decided last week to cut off connections with you slowly, as time goes by and I see you less and less. I mean, you're 4 hours away from me at school. You know what I mean when I say that.

It was your birthday on the 7th. The same as my mom's. I called Mom that night, and I looked at a picture of you briefly before turning off my phone and getting ready for bed.

I think I'm getting over you, for real. This weird infatuation of mine is going to end. This letter is the only thing tying me to you still. But reading this again, and again, I think I'm finally ready for goodbye.

Plus... there's someone. He's really sweet and I feel so weird knowing that my friend just recently got over her crush over him. But he's such a cool, considerate guy. The only problem? He's dumb, and he doesn't start things. "Going with the flow and letting things happen" is a really beautiful thought, but that's a horrible mindset, especially when you like someone. But I don't see a future with him, to be honest.

There's no one quite like you. I'll probably never forget you completely, but my memory of you is fading, and I think I'm learning from my mistakes...