Remedy

navy blue

 all i had was love for this.

you tore me up inside, leaving behind lacerations that scarred in the shapes of your sharp tongue and the fingertips you used to drag me through the mud.

all of it frustrates me so bad. i can't change a single thing about you - or me, really - and certainly not our past. but i can move on and move on i shall.

i hope it makes you sad, thinking about the way we once were and how you tossed all of those things out the window as if you could care less about where they landed or who they hurt in their descent. perhaps you didn't.

i hope you see me in everything, from the white walls you know to be in my room to the jacket i wore to your sister's wedding - navy blue, just like the color of your eyes.

i hope it hurts you to see me like this, abusing substances to get the stain of you off my mind and to drown out all the things you've done that remind me of you, however little you did do for me.

the door is shut and i don't want you coming back to stomp around in the already bruised rubble you left me with.

it makes me so frustrated that i can't stay mad at you. forget my room, the way my carpet felt beneath your toes; forget the way i looked at you.

they say it's really not that bad, don't think like that.

i hope this makes you sad -- it can't be fair for me to be the only one writhing around in the aftermath of what you and i built from the ground up.