My story(so far) II

Hiatus. (8/26/18-10/17/18)

I'm back.. I'm starting school. Tomorrow. And the school I wanted to go to so fucking badly, isn't opening. So now. I have to go to a local school. A big school. I'm terrified.
9/1/18
It's my birthday tomorrow.
I'm not that excited. I forgot about for a really long time. Anyway.
I had my first full week of school.
It was terrifying. I like too many people.
I'm so stupid. I met one in art.
He's a senior.
I'm still freshman.
We instantly clicked. I just don know what to do. He feels so perfect and
I'm scared to screw up.
I want to cry and I just want him.
He hugs me before and after school.
His hugs are so comforting and it's like a security blanket.
9/6/18
He's clingy and toxic. Watch me lose everyone.
My birthday was boring and my mother was on her phone. Speaking of which. Apparently I'm even gonna have my phone after school cause apparently I'm so lazy even though work more than my sister does in this fucking house. But I guess I'm the worst. I'm probably better off dead if I'm really that lazy.
So apparently if I'm tired from walking over THREE miles I can't sit down because I have to do some other shit for my mother.
I can't have my phone after school either.

9/10
I have a friend named Ozzy.
He's really awesome actually.
I kinda like him but.
He has a girlfriend already.
9/14
Now I have another named Gustavo.
I like him a lot.
He's leaving in April.
So of course I fucking like him.
Cause I'm that fucking stupid.

9/21
Things are so.
Fucking complicated
And
I don't wanna deal anymore.
Someone kill me I'm afraid to do it myself.
Don't tell anyone. Blame it on me.
Just. Kill me.
I don't care how.
I don't want to deal with pain anymore.
With sadness.
With stupid people.
I need someone without
Empathy
Cares
A will.

10/17
I'm sorry. I haven't said anything for months..
um.
Gus is my boyfriend now..
and I just don't know to do about it..

Have a good day..