Remedy (Randy)

Pillow

This is the first time in forever where they all were together in one space, and none of them were too busy to talk. The silence was not uncomfortable, but also not one a particular blonde could stand for long.

Andy was the first to speak, saying ,"This atmosphere is getting to us all. Every single day there's one of us in tears or feeling upset and none of us are enjoying ourselves anymore. I just feel like we need to open up or talk about why we are feeling so frustrated and angry all the time, like as you all know, umm, when I was younger I obviously had mental health issues and obviously I'm better now, but we just can't go on like this because I can see the changes in each of your personalities and I don't know what's happened since Harvey left for tour but Brook, I mean you cry almost every day even when we aren't fighting, and mate it's not healthy at all, and I don't mean to single you out but Mikey you haven't eaten a proper meal in I don't know how long and as for myself, I feel miserable waking up to this everyday, so can we all just have an adult discussion without raised voices and just try to understand each other a bit more", He looked around at every face in the room, all eyes trained on him, watching and listening to his every word.

"Please", He said after a long pause.

Brook began,"I feel so far away from you bruv, it's like I don't even know any of you anymore since we moved flats we've been at each others throats and to be honest even though we're under the same roof I get really lonely sometimes. Harvey's never here, which fair enough like he's busy, but I feel like I'm living with 4 strangers, I literally feel like I'm always on edge, like I'm walking on eggshells and one wrong move and you's will just get tired of me always being in the way. Aswell I think I actually miss sharing a room, no one knows now when I'm feelin' a little bit down and i just miss our bond, I t-, I think we've lost it" he finished tearfully, he had started of strong and by the end his voice had become thick with emotion. Brooklyn couldn't believe he'd let all that out. He felt even more pathetic than before.

4 voices rushed to speak next, their words getting jumbled and intertwined as they all tried to say their piece. Brooklyn was no longer crying, but he sat back on the sofa, as if his time at the therapists office was finally over.

Andy was on his own bed, and he quickly leaned back and grabbed his pillow, throwing it at Mikey and saying, " When you have the pillow you talk, we are not here to argue"

Mikey, always kind and gentle, hugged the pillow into himself as he sat criss cross apple sauce on the ground. He thought for a minute, then came out with this ," Guys, I feel like I've let you all down." This was meant with sighs and murmurs of rejection, but no real interference. Because he had the pillow. He had all the power. 

"I've been so wrapped up in everything that I- I just haven't really been present mentally for a while. My mind is always on the next task, like we're sitting here for the first time in months actually having a genuine conversation that isn't about work, and all I can think off is the live I have scheduled for later, and the cover we're posting tomorrow, and how i haven't posted on the instagram story today-" He cut himself off with a sigh and he rubbed his eyes, took a deep breath, and started again," Anyway, Jack, I'm sorry for yelling this morning, and I can see now that we all need to be more gentle with eachother" 

Jack gave a small nod of gratitude, and Mikey passed the pillow to Rye.

Rye didn't really notice that there was anything wrong until this morning if he's honest. Rye has been stuck inside his own head as well. 

"Um, so yeah I think we're all a bit stressed out at the minute, but I think we can work through it. I don't really have much to say except I'm sorry for shouting earlier Brook, and I do love you all and I'm sorry I never realised how much all this arguing was effecting you all"

Andy knew Rye was holding back, but was sure he'd tell him about it later.

Finally, Jack took the pillow and laid it carefully on his lap, " Mikey's right, we really do need to start being more gentle towards each other. I think we all had a little bit of a cry this morning, Brook mate you were a state and I wasn't far behind you, and Andy acting strong isn't going to work, I heard you crying earlier too. This band works because we are honest with each other. And we are honest with the fans too. They've seen every single relationship grow on the vlogs and it's important we remember who we are as a collective. Can we all just agree, no more harsh words and please all try not to shout because some people are overwhelmed by it and I just don't want us to fight anymore" 

Misty eyes filled the room, but no one said anything until Andy made a grab for the pillow. Jack willingly gave it to him.

"Okay. Everyone has said something and i'd just want to say a bit more. We all love eachother, but it just gets hard to show it when we're always busy we never have time to connect as people anymore. Like Brook I agree with the whole lonely thing, and it's horrible because I know you're all here but I feel like no matter what I say it'll get used against me and obviously I trust you all but it feels like I've exhausted my time with each of you, and you're all going to get annoyed at me anyway and I can't do it much longer and I'm really scared I'll get sick again and we joke but none of you understand what it's like to actually be depressed and i-" he was stumbling over his words and he just couldn't get them right. He felt panicked but he reminded himself he was among friends and he looked around him.

Shock. That's what most of their faces held. Not one of them had even considered Andy's mental health in all of this. Sure, they knew he was sensitive and they knew his past but no one had noticed him slowly slipping through their fingers like sand as they argued their days away. Brooklyn looked back at Andy with tear filled eyes and he simply let the tears fall. Andy's hands were shaking and Mikey looked more than a little upset. Jack and Rye exchanged a knowing look as Rye slowly scooted closer to Andy and took his hand in his own. Mikey stood up at the same time as Jack, and he couldn't help but pull him into a hug. Everyone was just beginning to remember what it was like to have a friend, someone who you an trust, someone who you can build memories with, and someone you can love forever.

Brooklyn let out a little whimper, he was extremely horrified of the prospect of Andy getting sick again, and how their bickering would have caused it. Jack and Mikey broke apart and Rye and Andy looked up. Jack may be the youngest, but Brooklyn is the baby. 

This time Rye knew it wasn't just crocodile tears, and how they probably never were. He went to Brooklyn and pulled him into his embrace. And for once, they all felt the tension lifted, and replaced by a feeling of love so strong it would burst them open.

They stayed up talking for hours after a phone call from Chris saying he'd have to cancel tomorrow, and when everyone was asleep somewhere in his room, Andy smiled to himself. They were a united front once again, and all it had taken was a few tears and a pillow.

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Oh pls its 3am leave a comment if ur liking or not liking love u if u acc bother to read this goodnight huns

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