Dear Life,

Letter Two

Dear Ex-Best Friend,

I first want you to know, I will always love you. The second thing I need you to know, I will never be able to forgive you. The last thing I need you to know before I get started, we will never be friends again.

I spent many years, defending you, loving you, and doing everything we could possibly do together. When it came down to it, you left me in the dust, you weren't there for me emotionally, yeah sure maybe physically, but i needed you emotionally. You always needed me to talk, you always made me hangout with my ex-boyfriend because you liked him, even though you knew him and i weren't talking.

So many people hated you, and i defended you against every person that ever put you down, like you were my sister, i mean, we did spend more than 3 quarters of our life together, so how could we not be sisters?

At one point I realised you were actually becoming the person everyone said you were, and I stopped, and you only got worse. Your friends started getting replaced, you started acting like you were the queen of the castle because people only hung out with you because you could drive. I made a pact to myself that most of my friends would be able to drive so i didn't go through that, but then you started smoking pot and partying, well, you always partied, you just got worse. I blamed myself for giving up on defending you, but that's not my job, i'm not your mom, and you need to learn things on your own.

When I was in the hospital, you made me drive your moms car because you didn't like driving on the highway. Yes you sat with me for all of those hours, but you never listened to what the doctors were telling me, you didn't comfort me through my anxiety and my tears on that hospital bed, you just sat there and played on your phone.

After my surgery i was feeling better and i went back home, but i was emotionally destroyed and physically wrecked. Months later of isolating myself in an abusive males room, you picked a fight with me, well, really you called me the worst friend in the world and blocked me on everything and wouldn't tell me what I did, that hurt me more. Then I moved home, and went to prom with a friend we both grew up with, and you got furious that i didn't tell you, but I didn't tell you because you always said i was using him and i was worried you were going to get more mad at me and I didn't want that.

After that you started calling me harsh names to everyone you could reach in the town we lived in, you started telling everyone about my surgery, making me feel worse about things that were out of my control. I would sit there for hours and fix every rumor you were telling, but the thing is, you taught me that coming out and talking about my problems, makes me feel better emotionally. Basically, trying to ruin my life, you fixed it completely.

Anyways, basically what I'm saying is, even hating my guts and trying to ruin my life completely, you fixed it, you actually made me the happiest i have ever been. I have the best boyfriend ever, very few but real friends, that use me for nothing. Most importantly, you made me learn who I am as a person, which has made me successful, happy, and able to move on in life and with my boyfriend, and honest to god, I actually thank you for that. I may not agree with you stalking me and showing up and staying wherever I happen to be. But I thank you for making me the happiest person ever.

I hope you are getting there, I hope you are finding who you are as a person, whether that's doing drugs, smoking, drinking, and living on welfare with a bad job, or, being the successful chief with a nice house, family, and the old impala that you always dreamed of while we were growing up. I just hope you were doing well and that you are happy.

Sorry for the raw truth.

Yours truly,

Lil Bean.