Dear Life,

Letter Four

Dear, my boyfriends Mother,

I would just like to say, I understand you, in fact, more than you think I do. You are a mother, he is the light of your life, to you, no girl, will ever be good enough for your son, and I understand that. But what you don't understand is, you are also the light of his life, I love dearly when he tells me story of you from when he was little, I love when he tells me he is going home to spend time with you, to clean with you, or simply just to talk to you. I have never in my eighteen years of living, heard a teenaged boy, say he wants to spend time with his mom.

I want you to know, I will never take your son away from you, I will also, never leave your son. I want you to see your son grow up, have a family, be successful with school and a job, building all the old trucks he loves. I want you to see all the emotions he will have when he has his first child, and his second or how many more he will have. I want you to see how proud he is to show you his family, his own children, he wants to be successful, for you, he wants to have his own children, for you, finish school, for you, buy his first family home for you. The most important thing to him, isn't me, the most important thing to him, is to make sure that you know that he is every single thing you have ever wanted a son to be. He wants that, for you.

The thing is, I may not ever be able to provide all of that for him, and with him, I may not have a job due to really scaring issues, but before that, I was an academic student, with an 85% average, loving all of my classes, even Science, which i suck at so much. I wanted to be a social worker at sick kids, I took every social science class, and every social science program i could, being a 15, 16, and 17 years old could. And it was everything between parenting classes to how human emotions work, to professionally talking someone out of suicide, which is very hard by the way, i've done it too many times to count. I worked so hard for this, so i could do my dream job.

But you see, I found out, I'm going to have a lot of trouble having children, and i mean, a lot. Now i cry every time i see a child and i don't think I can every work with kids, but im struggling to find things I am good at, that will make for a good job, so once i go to school, once i get a real good job, I am helping your son provide for his family, I'm not only raising the kids we will maybe have, but so will he, and he isn't going to be the only one paying the bills, for so will i. I also want to watch your son be successful, I want to help him show you how successful he really is.

Your son, is the dearest teenaged male on this planet, he may be angry most of the time, he may fight verbally, a lot. But his love for his family, animals, and cars, always seems to take over and keep him calm, being in his heart, he knows what is right, he knows what he needs to do, whether that is to pursue me or another woman. He knows what he has to do, and you do have to push him, but not fast, not too roughly, just a little nudge on the shoulder, because he needs your judgement the most, he does need you to navigate, but he wants to be able to do it on his own too, and that's why he fights you.

Whether you like myself or my family or not, we are not hillbillies, we are very far from it. My mom has agreed and been on your side every time either I or him have told you about an argument that you two have had. She is the one who had to sit down with me and explain how you are most likely feeling, he's your baby and you never want to let him go, i will one day feel the same way, but i will never take your baby away from you.

Quite frankly, my mother feels the same, even though i have already left the nest completely once, she doesn't want me to leave her, and she thinks i could do way better than your son, she actually told me to train him to love me more than anything else cause that's how you have a successful marriage, that is where I disagree. I love that he loves you, that you are the light of his life, I love that he loves his father and his sister, I love it dearly, I don't want that to change. I truly love your son, for the little teenaged grade niner that he was, all the way now to the man he is in the process of becoming, and i will continue for as long as possible.

I hope you understand and maybe even hate me less, for this is the raw truth.

Yours truly,

Lil Bean.