Valero, Eclaires, and Faith

This is pretty certain to sound rather whacked to a lot of people, but I once had a dream involving spirituality that later seemed to be prophetic. I don't particularly believe that Valero gas stations are connected to the divine, but that company had apparently recently taken over another gas station chain in Albuquerque and Valeros have since sprouted up all over the city. Whenever I see one it makes me think of my belief, and the fact that I now have one.

  In my dream, I noticed that the gas gauge was on empty as I drove on the main paved road from my grandmother's house back where I used to live in rural Michigan past open fields toward the town proper. My brother, Craig, the successful scientist, and the one of us who has remained an atheist, crackled over a 2 way radio (Such as I use in my cab driving job.), from our grandmother’s house that the van was out of gas. I heard this warning from him as I was coasting into a Valero gas station in this dark blue purplish van. I tried to tell Craig over the radio not to worry and that I had made it to a gas station, but I could tell that he wasn't hearing me over the fuzzy crackling radio.

     Near the gas pumps, a hick in a farmer's cap approached me, smiling. He brandished a maple éclair. He was quite relentless and friendly about trying to give me the éclair. There was something in his manner that reminded me very much of a dream I'd had many years before where my mother showed up at the door of the house in Los Alamos with gold cross earrings and brandishing a Bible.

     I punched the guy in the face, and his face indented as though it was made out of clay, yet he kept smiling and continued trying to give me the éclair. I later came to think that the unflappable hick with the éclair, a maple éclair rather than a good chocolate one, represented, for me, Christianity. Not my flavor. Thanks, anyway.

     Coasting into the Valero gas station on fumes and my atheist brother's concern over the empty gas tank had to do with the fact that I have found belief that makes sense for me. I tried to tell him that I had made it and was okay over the two-way radio, but he does not hear in a sense, does not understand, even as I am not a Christian, rejecting the éclair.

     Perhaps a month after I had this dream, I had been very busy in the cab. I was exhausted and hungry, out of gas in a sense, and the cab I was driving was low on fuel as well when I had to pick up yet another fare near the end of a long busy day. I was feeling famished and overworked and grumpy, and this guy was a cheerful Christian who wanted to chat with me nonstop as I took him into a rural portion of Albuquerque a long way on the outskirts of the city in the north valley.

     He talked about his belief in God and the Bible, and went on quite happily although I wasn’t very responsive or friendly to him. This reminds me of the guy in my dream who kept smiling even after I dented his clay face in. As he wouldn’t let up, I finally explained to him that I am not a Christian but that I am no longer an atheist, or anti-Christ, which gave him pause and seemed to make him somewhat uncomfortable.

     When we neared his house, I saw the first Valero gas station I’ve ever come across in Albuquerque and was immediately reminded of the dream. I asked him if it was a new gas station, and he said that it was.

     As I dropped him off we connected in one respect. I brought up the fact that nonbelievers often claim people only pray when they want something. He and I agreed that this was simply not true in his case, or mine. We would both pray to give thanks for what we have, however small those things may seem to many, such as another day of life and our loved ones and a job and food and what money we have and a roof over our heads. We agreed that this is a great pleasure about having belief, to be able to give thanks and appreciate what we have.