Under the Acacia Tree | ✓

Letter #1

November 11, 2012

Dear Luke,

You're probably laughing at me right now because I'm so cheesy I wrote you a letter. But whatever, I just want to say I miss you. A lot. And I probably won't ever spend a day, a minute, even a second, not missing you.

Hey Luke, you were right. You were right on so many things. 

I just didn't want to admit it. 

I was afraid your ego would eat you up. I'm kidding. But.. yeah, you were right Luke. I was afraid. But you were wrong about yourself. You were afraid, too.

It was hard, you know? Letting someone in your life. But you did it. I did it. I let you in. It was kind of funny though, how everything happened.

It was the first day of my university life. I was thrilled. It was a new me--new friends, new place and new life. I was waiting for this day my whole life. 

I was waiting for this moment. 

I was counting months, days for this to finally happen so I can be free. So I can begin again. 

The first day of school in third period, I got lost and I didn't know where to go because the university was freaking huge. So, I just walked my way to the dorms. But while I was passing the playground, under the acacia tree, I saw you. You were frantically waving your hands up in the air. I thought you were waving "Hi" at me. That was just a thought because that would be creepy if you were. 

But you really were waving at me and you began shouting my name. I got so scared that time, so I ran away.

The days went by; I became slightly familiar with the campus. I can now go to the canteen without the janitor's help and I was happy. And then I saw you. You had this confident smile that makes girls beg for your attention. But I wasn't one of those girls. Still, you kept smiling while you stood there just a few feet away from me.

"Hi." You said. I was about to turn back and run away when you caught my wrist. "Hey. Why do you keep running away from me?" You pouted and something inside of me felt new. I shook my head because I didn't like that feeling. "I don't bite." You winked and gave me that playful smile.

"Wh-who are you?" I kept twisting my hand just for you to let go but you didn't.

"Aw. That stings. We're classmates in physical science, remember?" Suddenly, I felt ashamed. I wasn't really paying attention to my classmates because I wanted to get used to the place first. I felt a blush creep my cheeks.

"Sorry. I wasn't really paying attention." I looked at my feet because I felt embarrassed. You were also being friendly on the first day but I just ignored you and worse, I ran away. You know me, that's what I do best, right? Running away.

"That's fine. Do you want to sit with us, though?" You smiled. I just nodded. 

Months went by and we were actually getting along well. Every second I was with you, something new sparked inside of me. 

I tried to ignore the new feeling, I tried to erase them. You were so friendly, so caring that sometimes, I imagine myself being with you. But I end up shaking the thought and waking up to reality.

Because that would never happen.

I wouldn't let myself for that to happen.

But somehow, you and your confident smile and your huge ego made your way right into my heart. It was a new feeling. A feeling that maybe—just maybe—I can get used to. But I was still scared because it's too risky. 

I was surprised when you asked me something. "Be my girlfriend?" You had on your perfect smile. Our friends, Sam, Rob and Mia were laughing at us so I thought you were joking. I laughed and told you that I would never ever want to be your girlfriend. Deep inside though, I was dying to be yours.

It became a routine, you asking me to be yours. I would just always laugh it off and tell you no. Because that was the whole joke. You would ask me, then I would reject. That was it. It was never serious.

I wanted it to be serious.

You managed to make my heart warm every single time, though.

 Every. Single. Time. 

I just never said it. I regret never saying it.

We got closer and closer to each other. You told me that your best memory was when you were a kid. When your dad used to teach you and your sister how to ride a bike and then afterward your mom would call you in for lunch and all of you would pray together like a happy family. You said you missed that moment. You said you would like to live in that moment forever. 

Somehow, you turned the table, and you asked me what my best memory was. I didn't tell you even though you were so persistent on knowing. You didn't push me though, I was happy about that. Did you ever wonder why I didn't tell you? It's because I don't have a "best memory" back then, I just have the worsts.

I have one now, though. But I wouldn't be able to say it to you that's why I am writing it to let you know. Wonder what my best memory is?

It was a rainy afternoon and we just finished our Physical Science finals. My mind was drained because of all the formulas running through my mind. And I wondered why you were so carefree, smiley and all while I was sulking and problematic.

"Why are you so happy?" I remember frowning at you.

"Because I passed the exam." You said it like you were so sure.

"Ha. How do you know, great and almighty Luke?"

"I just know." Then you stuck out your tongue like a little child. "Tag! You're it!" Then you went running in the rain.

"Do you think I'm coming out in the rain for you? Ha! In your dreams loser!" But I did it. I did come out in the rain, running like a kid.

And it was fun, I never experienced something like that before. It's like you're opening new doors for me. 

The rain was pouring harder. I ran faster because you were already on the playground near the dorms. You stopped under the big acacia tree. 

I remembered this. I smiled to myself. This was where I first saw you. 

I stopped beside you. You looked right at me. You weren't smiling like you always do. You mumbled something.. something like...

"Nathalie, be my girlfriend?" You were staring at me. I laughed at our joke but I was surprised when you didn't join me.

"I love you." You said softly. 

Love. Does it even exist? I asked myself that a million times.

I laughed. You frowned like you were hurt. I can't help but laugh a bit harder, then I cried. 

Was it even possible to be laughing and crying at the same time? I was like that for a moment. 

Then, in between the hiccups, I hugged you and whispered yes.

That was my best memory, Luke. I wish that was one of yours, too. And I really wish I could hear you whisper those three words again. Because I'll whisper those words to you every day. And even when you forget all the things that we've done, I'll never forget those three words you said under the acacia tree.

I love you, and probably I won't ever stop.

Nathalie.