Under the Acacia Tree | ✓

Letter #6

April 14, 2013

Dear Luke,

I graduated last week. After the ceremony, I went to the tree. It was our tree. All the memories we made here were permanent. It will never be erased. 

It was my last day here at the university, Luke.

I don't know what will happen next. But I will continue to visit this, to visit our tree.

While I was walking my way back to my dorm for the last time, I felt like someone was following me. When I turned around, I saw a guy. He was walking behind me. Just a few feet away from me. He was still also wearing his graduation robe, just like me. You know me, I get easily scared so I walked a bit faster. When I looked behind me, he was still there.

"Are you following me?" I asked him.

He laughed out loud and I frowned at him. I wanted to kick him or something because nothing was funny.

"Of course not. I'm on my way to the dorms." He smirked at me and I felt so embarrassed. I have always been like that, thinking of things the other way around.

"Congratulations by the way, Nathalie." I was about to say thank you but I stopped walking because he knew my name.

"Do I know you?" I asked him.

"Well, not really. But I know you."

"How?" I asked him. He might be a serial killer dressed as a college graduate.

"We were in the same organization last year. It's a huge one, so don't feel bad if you don't recognize me. I recognize you because I was the event planner, so I guess it's part of the job, to remember faces. Also, every time I stroll here, I always see you there." He pointed out the tree. "You always looked so sad."

I never intended to cry but I did. I cried in front of him. He had a panicked look on his face which made me laugh. I laughed hard. I was laughing uncontrollably and when I was finished laughing, it felt nice. This was the first time I ever laughed so loud, so normal. He was laughing nervously too.

"I never said that to make you cry. Sorry." He handed me his handkerchief.

I smiled at him. For the first time in a long time, I felt warm inside. It felt normal.

"It's fine. My boyfriend and I used to hang out there a lot. He died a year ago. I guess I visit the tree a lot to remember the memories." It felt good opening up again. Even with a stranger.

"I bet he's proud of what you've become right now." I was shocked by his words. Are you? Are you proud of me, Luke?

"Thank you.. I don't know why I'm saying this to you but it just felt like I knew you for a long time. Congratulations too, um.." I forgot to ask for his name a while ago so he chuckled and said..

"Stephen. My name is Stephen." He reached out his hand and I shook it.

"Thank you, Stephen. Have a wonderful life ahead of you." I smiled at him. It was natural, not the fake one I always use.

On the corner of the street, we parted ways. I forgot to give his hanky back.

Hey Luke, I finally decided to go to your sister's wedding. It was a while ago. Your sister looked really beautiful and happy. She said I would make a beautiful bride too. I smiled at her lovingly. I had to go out once in a while, though. I couldn't help but cry because I wanted you there with me, in the aisle. While I was crying, do you know who I saw?

I saw Stephen. He was there at the wedding. He saw me and headed towards me.

"Hey, I didn't see you 'til now. What happened? Are you hurt anywhere?" I was sitting outside the church.

"Oh. You always see me at my bad times, huh?" I joked.

"Are there good times?" He teased. Then it struck me. I haven't had any good time since the day you died. "Why aren't you inside?"

"I just wanted to some fresh air. Why are you here, anyway?"

"The groom is my cousin." He smiled and he sat right next to me. It was good to have company.

"It was suffocating. I couldn't breathe well. The bride's brother was my boyfriend. He used to tell me that we would get married. He used to tell me stories of our future together. I believed him. Every single promise he said. It was a huge step you know, coming here. I never thought that I would be here in this place again because his promises haunt me every time." I was touching the ring on my necklace. The promise ring you gave me. I looked to my side and he was staring at me.

"You're stronger than you think." He smiled and led me inside.

I was actually enjoying his company. When your sister saw me with him, she smiled at me. I didn't know why. At the wedding reception, I tried to stay away from the crowd because it was of the dancing. You know well that I don't dance. But someone grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor.

"Stephen. I don't dance." I told him and gave him an apologetic smile. He still smiled at me, though.

"It's okay. Just follow my lead okay?" I remember you saying that line too.

"I told you. Relax, Nat. Can you please do this for me? Just follow my lead, okay?"

I trusted Stephen. The poor guy.. I stomped at his feet more than I stomped yours. I laughed at his pained expression. You know what, Luke? If you had met him, maybe you'd be best friends. Both of you are so much alike, but so different too, in many ways.

When we were finished laughing and dancing, I sat beside your mom. She smiled at me and said, "I'm glad."

"For what?" I asked her. I didn't know what she was talking about.

"I'm glad you're beginning to be happy. Listen, I'm happy for you, honey. If that guy makes you happy, then I'm sure Luke will be happy for you." I was confused at what she's saying.

"Who?" I asked her and she pointed out someone in front of us. I looked in that direction, and saw Stephen looking at us, smiling. I was shocked. I couldn't say anything. I looked back at your mom and she was really smiling at me. I think I was blushing but I don't know.

"You got the wrong idea." I told her, "He was just a schoolmate back then."

"I know. But I'm still happy that he makes you happy. I was surprised to see that you're handling this very well. It's because of him, isn't it? He made you laugh and we are very thankful for him. It's been what? A year? Since we last saw you that care-free."

I have come to realize that your mom was right. I was a lot happier than before. I looked at Stephen. He was talking to his cousin. Is there a possibility?

Is it possible for me to love again? To be happy again?

Luke Morgan Gomez, is it possible for me to get over you?

I looked away from him. But I found myself looking at him again, maybe looking for some sign.. I don't know. There he was, looking at me and he was smiling.

I don't know Luke. Is it time for me to get over you?

Nathalie.