On the Run

Chapter 4: Nothing seemed to fit

There we were, on the road again, his arm back around my shoulder. UGH. I spent most of the ride considering how I could trick him into liking me. A longshot, I now, but when it's that or all the things and people I would miss from home, it was necessary. Or so I liked to tell myself.

He abruptly breaks the silence, "So I was thinking. We should send an email or something to our families, let them know we'll be okay. Or at least, that we're not dead as of yet. I mean, we can't tell them where we're actually headed and all, in case the guy's tapped the line, or ca hack or whatever you want to call it,  but it would console them a little." There he goes again, another smart idea. How is he so genius? How had I not thought of anthing like that? "Yeah, awesome. Perfect timing, too, since we'll start heading west tomorrow. If they track it today, and we say we're headed north, it'll look true," I reasoned.

I started working out the wording in my head, but every sentence sent a pang through my heart. What could possibly be the right words for this? How could I tell my little brothers I wouldn't be at their 5th grade graduation, or 8th grade dance, or tell my parents they wouldn't be able to see me graduate? Such a small detail, a brief electrical correspondance, but one more burden I don't know if I can possibly bear, on top of all that's happened, and all I know will continue to ripple the walls of what was once my life.

Late that night, when we arrived at our hotel du jour, we half-snuck to the computer with free wifi. It took a little while, and we had to keep taking turns when whoever was typing was overcome with emotion. So many times I changed a word, and changed it again, only to pause for a moment that seemed to encompass forever, and retype the original word. Nothing seemed to fit.

Mom and Dad(Torrez), Mom and Dad(Bender), Spencer, and Steven

Hey guys. We're alive, and we plan to stay that way. Duh. We know there's a lot of speculation that we'll be the next ones down since we're 'just kids', and 'we won't realize the gravity of our actions', but they don't know us, so don't believe everything you hear. You know we're more than idiots who mess around and don't take anything seriously. We have a plan, and we've got each other's backs, so don't worry. Just pray for us, and we'll be fine. We can't say much about our exact plans, just in case the shooter hacks in and manages to read this somehow (it's a longshot, but we're not taking chances; see? We probably understand the gravity more than all the adults in our situation) but we're headed north. We plan on enrolling in school for senior year once we find a good place where we can be inconspicuous, and maybe a church, and we'll graduate, go to college, get jobs, and live like regular people until the shooter is caught. We'll figure something out. We realize this could be weeks, months, years, or decades, and we'll miss you more than anything, but this is the only way we can survive, and that's the top priorit at the moment, right? As soon as it's safe, we'll head back to Florida, and find you first thing. Don't give up on us, no matter what you hear. We won't be able to contact you again. Spence and Steve, I know how hard it will be, growing up without your big sister, and I'm so sorry I probably won't be able to be there for you for most of it. I would do anything to change that, but since I can't, I'll spend the rest of my life after we come home trying to make it up to you. You guys know how much I try to help you and be a good role model, but since I won't be there, if you have any problems, go through my diaries, or ask Rachel, you know she loves you guys. She'll steer you straight. Don't let drama or school, or ANYTHING get you down, and remember, I'm always waiting in the wings, standing behind you. (I might mention that you should consider yourselves uber lucky, as I have never before heard of a sister TELLING her brothers to read her diary.) We love you all so much, no matter what happens or how much time passes. Remember that. Always.

                                                                                                                                        Love,