scared of the stars

chapter 1 - Kakashi

Most people who had only seen Kakashi imagined him perfectly.

They'd tell their friends about him, the mysterious guy who often just sits on a thick branch, half of his face covered by black fabric, one eye covered by his headband. He would seem casual, comfortable even, and stare into the pages of a book. An old classic, they'd think. Maybe even poetry. They would imagine the images written on the paper and dream about the mysterious silver haired guy. He wouldn't acknowledge those who passed, because he would be too engrossed in the story he was reading.

«Probably sensitive!» They would say and dream about his voice.

«Probably handsome!» They whisper and try to peek under the mask.

The sensitive Kakashi, who would mostly be found reading a book. He would read a certain book again and again, then go back to a previous one, then reread that one. He must be the ideal boyfriend.

Well... they'd imagine him almost perfectly.

Kakashi would ignore everyone who tried to get his attention, not because he was so invested in the story and didn't want to be interrupted, but because he was too lazy and uninterested for human socializing. He was extra careful to cover his mouth during the time he read. No way did he want people to see the crazy grins he made, luckily it was hard to read his expression with one eye covered up.

What he was reading was not poetry, though Kakashi could start a debate about it. To him it was poetry. A classic. Not the kind he was forced to read at school, he hated those, although he did finish them.

Was Kakashi sensitive? He would never show that side of him to anyone, but he may be on the inside.

Was Kakashi handsome? That depended on who you asked. Most would say yes, though it wasn't something he'd brag about. It was better to make people think he didn't care, that way others got more annoyed.

He viewed himself as the ideal boyfriend. He wouldn't have minded dating himself. He was a chill guy, and as most people say - though of course, he wouldn't admit it himself - he was pretty good looking.

Okay, maybe people were wrong about it.

------------------------------------------

«Ey, Kakashi!» a voice shouted, dragging him out from his thoughts. He looked down from his spot in the tree, balancing his book on his knee.

Sakura stared up at him, eyebrows raised and hands on her hips. He could hear he scolding voice already, and wasn't feeling it right now.

«Hey, Sakura. I see we have both walked on the path of life and ended up in the same place. Namely this tree, maybe its best I stay here to make sure everything goes okay.» He said, forcing a smile and remembering to squint his eyes so she could see it.

She sighed and closed her eyes, probably hiding the fact that she was rolling her eyes.

«Maybe you should put that book down and prepare for when you'll move into the Hokage office?» She suggested, though her tone wasn't friendly. Tsunade had affected her in more than just her strength.

Kakashi let out an exaggerated sigh and covered his face with his hand as if he was a damsel in distress.

«The war has taken too much of a toll on me. I simply can't do that just yet. Tsunade has been so great the last years, I'm sure she can act the role a little longer?» He said and hoped his laziness would make Sakura give up.

She hadn't moved, neither had she spoken. The birds sang their song while flying past, the kids were screaming and laughing while playing soccer. He could imagine it all so vividly from all the times he had sat at this exact spot.

«You don't have to push us all away, you know?» Sakura responded, this time not angrily. He suspected she was trying to put on a comforting voice, but it sounded forced and unsure.

That was how he had felt lately, forced and unsure. He had forced himself to go on missions, forced himself to eat, forced himself to stand up from his bed in the morning. He had even forced himself to read when normally he had to force himself to put a book down.

She continued talking «I know you're still sad about Obito, we all are. I think it could help you to talk about it. To-»

«There's nothing to talk about.» Kakashi interrupted and jumped off of the tree. He gave her a small smile and a wave.

«I think I should go get dinner. Tell Tsunade Ill talk to her later, please.» He said and walked off, not waiting to hear her response. He knew her enough to know she wouldn't pester if he said he didn't want to talk about it, but he didn't even want to say that. Saying he didn't want to talk about it only meant he confessed that something was bothering him. They all had their own worries, and he didn't want to put his emotions on top of them.

He wanted it all to go back to how it used to be.

Though how far back, he didn't know. To when team 7 got formed? To when he was on a team with Rin, Obito, and Minato?

He wished he could go back to both at the same time, though that would've been impossible.

He wished Obito was here. That way he would get some of both, he could continue completing missions with Naruto and Sakura, and at the same time have Obito there.

He sometimes wished he could forget Obitos expression and words when he crumbled up right in front of him.

But his nightmares would never make him forget.

Had Kakashi been reduced into a depressive loner after the war? Yeah, he pretty much had, and no one blamed him for it.

And you know the best thing to do when you are feeling like shit? Make yourself feel even worse by visiting the place he should stay away from.

The memorial stone, which still had Obito's name engraved. It was a warning for everyone to never forget what had happened, what could happen again and what is currently happening some places in the world. People die. Sometimes in horrible ways. That was the world that Kakashi lived in.

He just so dearly hoped Obito's name wouldn't be removed.

Even after several years of visiting almost every day, the feeling he got from the stone still comforted him. If he was overwhelmed with anxiety he would stay here and just touch the stone, dragging his fingertips over Obito's name. Sometimes he would talk too, imagining that his past teammate would listen.

Obito had eventually turned into a comforting idea, someone Kakashi had relied on to stay by his side, even after death. If he was alone he knew he always had Obito to watch over him, the same way Rin watched over Obito.

This idea had been destroyed during the war when he found out that he had been alive all this time, and that Kakashi had truly been alone.

Now he was too scared to hope history would repeat itself, scared to think of the possibility that Obito would suddenly come back, alive and well.