I closed my eyes and the strategies flooded in my head. They drove me insane, as the circumstances I was in did.
If tomorrow never came, would I be ready to let everything go?
NO!
I huffed and puffed after the sprint. My heart pounded hard in my chest, terrorising my ribs. My head spun around, my face went pale.
It was somewhere in the middle of winter, nights came down all of a sudden, devouring the sun after four in the afternoon. I had overestimated the time and lingered a bit too long at the school formal. When I'd gotten off the bus, it was already pitch black.
I heard footsteps, and they stopped. I covered up my mouth to confine the shriek. I sank deeper into the dark empty alley, trying to hide, keeping myself as quiet as possible. I barely breathed. My ears went deaf from the constant sickening silence.
The silence soon broke apart when I fell over a trash bag and against the metal trash container. It was a deafening noise, like thunder. Rats squeaked and quickly ran away from the stir.
I was terrified, so I sobbed. What was the point anymore? I was caught, and promisingly dead.
The stalkers chuckled as they found me out, their eyes and teeth luminous in the dark. They approached me slowly, like a couple of hyenas approaching their prey.
"Poor lamb!" one of them spoke up with fake ruth. "We scared her shit off!"
"Baby, don't be scared," the other one rose his voice, his accent strange and strong, "Let me soothe you!" he broke into laughter and leant over me.
I screamed. The rapist tore apart the shoulder of my formal gown. He laughed masochistically at my panic; his tongue tasted the bare skin on my neck. I raised my hand and scratched his face hard in defence.
He roared and slapped me with rage. My head banged against the filthy trash container.
Blood ran down the side of my face.
I could feel the pain slipping away from me and into unconsciousness.
I could feel myself fading.
Then, I felt none...
*****************
In the complete white surroundings of my own mind, I was alone. I was alone with Jesse though, for once.
Holy crow, but he was beautiful!
He was so gorgeous in his tuxedo at the school formal tonight that I became speechless whenever I saw him around, and my ears went red hot.
I watched every step of his from a heart-breakingly far distance: as he laughed with his friends, smiled his crooked smile at the jokes, every frown, every weight shift from one leg to the other, everywhere he went, everything he did...I was his faithful observer.
I didn't know for sure if I was pathetic enough to surrender the obvious and let him notice my secret admiration, but I really did like Jesse.
Indeed, I loved him.
Yes, I just admitted it!
"I love you..." I mumbled with the angel - haloed in whiteness - in front of me.
That was wonderful! I didn't know it was ever this easy!
Well, it was easy, because none of this was real, nor it mattered. Not anymore, inasmuch as I was dead.
Funny how I could accept that truth with ease. I knew exactly what it meant though.
Firstly, it meant that I was not living anymore, neither were my hopes, dreams and ambitions.
