Give me a sign

{chapter 4 ~ white lips, pale face}

Jughead POV
I hold my breath as the doctor pushes a large tan folder across the desk in front of us. The room we're in is small and cramped and has a random landscape photograph on the wall. I grab at the air next to me, wishing that Betty's hand was there, but she had to stay in the waiting room. The doctor clears her throat. "I'm Dr. Hansen." She says, sticking out her hand. My dad shakes it and I just nod curtly. "I'm the head physician on Jellybeans case and I have some unfortunate news." My heart sinks to my feet. She opens the folder to reveal two scans that are almost identical. "The scan on the right is Jellybean's heart before she had surgery as an infant. The same hole has opened up again which is what cause Jellybean's chest pain. She might've died if you hadn't called an ambulance right away like you did." My dad is holding back tears. He hasn't seen Jellybean in a few years and now she's in the hospital, unable to speak to him. The doctor continues. "If you want to get technical, her condition is called an Atrial Septal Defect." She seems like she wants to say even more, but I have a question. "What...how will you fix it this time." I stutter. The doctor just has a grim look on her face. "Can you fix my baby girl or not?!" My dad nearly yells. The doctor takes a deep breath, clearly frustrated by my dads outburst. "Mr. Jones, due to the fact that Jellybean has had so many surgeries for her condition before, it's not safe to perform one on her unstable heart. If we attempt to fix the hole again, it could kill her. The only way to possibly make Jellybean better is a heart transplant." My vision becomes blurry and my face feels hot. I can't take anymore bad news. I blink through my daze and see my dad standing and shaking hands with Dr. Hansen again, who's spouting out more reassurance. I expect the doctor to lead us back to the waiting room, but instead she starts leading us down the hallway. Betty comes up beside me and whispers something about the nurses letting her come along. We head into an elevator and the doctor pushes a button labeled "floor 4, pediatric intensive care." I feel like I'm going to be sick. I've seen Jellybean in the hospital so many times. But the words of Dr. Hansen hang over my head. "She might've died." "Heart transplant." "Surgery could kill her." Betty looks at me with worry in her eyes. The elevator dings and we step out onto the floor. I take it all in. It looks the same as it did last time we were here, when Jellybean was 7. Just before mom ripped her away. The walls are filled with jungle themed murals and there are metallic stars hanging from the ceiling. They twirl softly in the hallway breeze that comes when someone walks by. Betty grabs my hand. I'm grateful to have her by my side again. "It looks the same." My dad whispers. Something in me wants to yell at him. Yell, because the last time Jellybean was in the hospital, he was to drunk to visit. But he's sober now. And that's not what matters now. Jellybean's what matters now. Nurses in scrubs patterned with favorite children's characters walk briskly past, on their way to help some kid. It doesn't feel like 3:00 am up here. As we continue down the hallway, the walls become less lively, and the sounds of light chatter and ringing phones is replaced by scary beeping and serious whispers. Finally Dr. Hansen stops in front of room with many signs on the door. "Patient in unstable condition, must not be moved."one of them reads. I squeeze Betty's hand tighter as Dr. Hansen softly opens the door. We shuffle in single file, and softly shut the door behind. It's mostly dark, with the exception of the neon words and numbers on the machines, and a single butterfly night light in the corner, giving off a sort glow. I can't bring myself to look at the bed, for fear that my tears will spill over. My dad has pulled a chair next to the bed and looks like he's holding Jellybeans hand. Finally my eyes rest on Jellybean. She's wearing a soft purple hospital gown that seems to drown her small body. She's surrounded by machines and bags of strange clear liquid and blood. There's patches stuck to her forehead and wires leading to her chest. The bed and machines look so big and she just looks so small. So big, so small. That's what this whole situation is like. Tears roll down my cheeks for the thousandth time this morning. Betty's crying too. I realize that Betty loves Jellybean as much as I do. She used to babysit her and saved all her old clothes for jellybean when she got bullied for wearing clothes from the thrift store. Jellybean loves Betty so much.

My thoughts are interrupted. "She's struggling to breathe on her own so we inserted a breathing tube to assist her. There's also a tube in her vein that is directing blood where it's supposed to go. This is only temporary though." Dr. Hansen says. "I'll leave you three to sit with her, just be incredibly gentle." She says and then slips out the door. I pull a chair up on the other side of the bed and grab one for Betty too. We sit in silence, her head on my shoulder, tears dripping down my shirt. I sounds so stupid but I wish I could switch places with my baby sister.

Jellybean POV (dream)
I'm standing on the playground waiting my turn to go down the slide. I adjust the little dial on my aids until the playground noise doesn't hurt my ears anymore. Suddenly, I feel someone shove me from behind, and I fall face first into the woodchips. "Move it deaf girl!" A harsh voice says. I stand carefully and brush my corduroy pants off. I turn to face the attacker. Strong and tough. Just like Juggy said. "What are you gonna do if I don't move!?" I counter. It comes out a little shaky, but I feel proud. "This!" The unknown boy says. His fist pounds me in the chest and pain shoots through my body. I'm no longer on the playground, I'm falling. Suddenly I hit the ground and I'm in a dark endless room. I can't hear anything anymore. It completely silent. I turn around and Jugheads kneeling beside me. He starts signing clumsily, like always. "It gonna be ok J. What do I always say?" He signs. I sign back, with expert ability may I add. "You are strong. You are brave. I love you, I love you, I love you." He smiles at me and I reach out to hug him. But he dissolved into the darkness. I can't help but cry. I sob and clutch my chest as the pain starts to grow again. Suddenly my dad appears. The pain in my chest subsides. He kneels down next to me like Jughead did. I wipe my tears and watch as he begins to sign. "Give me a sign Jellybean. Anything. Let me know that you're still in there." I reach out for him, but like before, he disappears. Instead of crying, I stand shakily. The pain grows again. But I fight against it. I take deep breaths and sign "I'm here. I'm here!" I don't know if it'll do anything, but it's worth a shot. And I've only got one shot.

Jughead's POV
It's been five minutes. I'm here for Jellybean, but I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I want her to have a breakthrough. I scold myself for being unrealistic. She only got here a half an hour ago. It's not likely that a small improvement will happen, let alone a big one. Dr. Hansen sneaks back into the room quietly and start writing all the numbers on the machines down. I scan Jellybean for anything new. Just the same white lips and pale face that she had when we arrived. For a split second more, everything's the same. Then something changes. The sound in the room changes. The ventilator still pushes on, but Jellybeans chest is rising and falling on its own. I don't know what to do. I stand quickly, nearly knocking my chair back. "She's breathing- on her own." I whisper. Dr. Hansen rushes over to the bed and checks Jellybeans breathing. Her face lights up. "She is indeed! That's an incredible breakthrough this soon after a heart attack." She says. She immediately begins jotting things down, and pages another doctor.My dad kisses Jellybeans hand and tears of joy and sadness roll down his cheeks. "I knew she'd give us a sign. I knew she was still in there." He sobs. My dads right. Somewhere underneath the pale, sick, and weak exterior, is our Jellybean. Strong, brave, beautiful, lively, smart, and a fighter. I stand up and pull Betty into a tight hug. "She's doing it Jug, she's fighting through." Betty whispers. We sit down and I grab Jellybeans hand and give it a gentle squeeze. Maybe. Just maybe she knows I'm here. "We're going to keep Jellybean on the ventilator because we don't want to put all reliance in her lungs and heart right now, but you should be very proud. It takes many patients much longer to breathe on their own." Dr. Hansen says. She smiles softly and leaves the room again. For the first time this morning, I have hope.

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Hey everyone! I actually updated in a timely manner! Hooray! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I try to make Jughead's point of view very descriptive which is how his character sees the world, but if it's too much, let me know. I hope the dream part of Jellybeans POV isn't to confusing or anything. I just felt like I needed some way to get Jellybean in there since this story is about her. I took some inspiration from stranger things for her dream and there were a few references to a few other things I like as well. What other fandoms is everyone a part of? I'm a musical theatre nerd, so there were a few Dear Evan Hansen references in here. I also love Harry Potter, Stranger things, Glee, Supergirl, and Parks and Recreation. And of course Riverdale! Also the title and one of the lines in this chapter is from an Ed Sheeran song so yeah. Sorry for the crazy long author's note! I just wanna chat with my readers, ya feel? Have a nice day everyone!!!
~ Quinn